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Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins

The Real Man

The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and tells him to leave before he gets hurt.

The Real Roleplayer

The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison.

The Loonie

The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.

The Munchkin

/muhnch'kin/ [from the squeaky-voiced little people in L. Frank Baum's "The Wizard of Oz"] n. A teenage-or-younger micro enthusiast hacking BASIC or something else equally constricted. A term of mild derision --- munchkins are annoying but some grow up to be hackers after passing through a {larval stage}. The term {urchin} is also used. See also {wannabee}, {bitty box}.
Need we say more?


Player Relationships

Real Men:

Real Men think they're brothers in arms. 
Real Roleplayers hide behind them. 
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions. 
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Man, too!" 

Real Roleplayers:

Real Men protect them, on the off chance they may come up with something useful.
Real Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds. 
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions. 
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!" 


Real Men ignore them. 
Real Roleplayers sometimes harass them back by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work.
Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces ... and cheat. 
Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat. 


Real Men attack them on sight. 
Real Roleplayers trick them into being cannon fodder. 
Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way. 
Munchkins query, "What's a Munchkin?" 



Favorite FRPG:

Real Men play AD&D 
Real Roleplayers play RuneQuest III 
Loonies play Toon 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite SFRPG:

Real Men play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game 
Real Roleplayers play Space Opera 
Loonies play a variant Spawn of Fashan 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite 1920's RPG:

Real Men play Gangbusters 
Real Roleplayers play Call of Cthulhu 
Loonies play a very variant Spawn of Fashan 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite SHRPG:

Real Men play Champions 
Real Roleplayers play Superworld 
Loonies play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite modern day/spy RPG:

Real Men play James Bond, 007 
Real Roleplayers play Justice, Inc. 
Loonies play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG:

Real Men play Twilight 2000 
Real Roleplayers play The Morrow Project 
Loonies play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite King Arthurian RPG:

Real Men play Chivalry and Sorcery 
Real Roleplayers play Pendragon 
Loonies play a variant of Spawn of Fashan so variant it shouldn't be called Spawn of Fashan anymore 
Munchkins play anything by TSR 

Favorite Silly RPG:

Real Men Play Macho Women With Guns/Renegade Nuns On Wheels/Batwinged Bimbos From Hell. 
Real Roleplayers Play Toon/TFOS 
Loonies Don't care about the system. 
Munchkins Don't like silly FRP's. 

Favorite TOON Character:

Real Men Play Carnivores. 
Real Roleplayers Play Herbivores. 
Loonies Play Richard Nixon. 
Munchkins Don't understand the game and make a character to take advantage of loop-holes to build a powerful character. 

Favorite World/Setting:

Real Men play in Greyhawk/Sanctuary 
Real Roleplayers play in Glorantha 
Loonies play in Southern California 
Munchkins play wherever has the most magic items 

Favorite Gaming Magazine:

Real Men read The General 
Real Roleplayers read White Dwarf 
Loonies read the last few pages of Dragon/comic books 
Munchkins read anything by TSR 



Favorite Dungeon Activity:

Real Men fight Red Dragons 
Real Roleplayers bluff the Ogres 
Loonies tell dirty jokes to Green Slime 
Munchkins do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off 

Favorite Melee Weapon:

Real Men use Broadswords/Bastard Swords/Pole Axes 
Real Roleplayers use Rapiers and Main-Gauches 
Loonies use Stage Knives 
Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Thrown Weapon:

Real Men throw Spears/Javelins 
Real Roleplayers throw Bolas 
Loonies throw their friends' magic items 
Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Missile Weapon:

Real Men shoot Long Bows/Composite Bows 
Real Roleplayers shoot Crossbows 
Loonies shoot Catapults loaded with offal 
Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl:

Real Men use bare hands/tables 
Real Roleplayers use chairs, chair legs or pokers 
Loonies use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste 
Munchkins use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons:

Real Men throw Munchkins (can you blame them?) 
Real Roleplayers throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks 
Loonies throw Nerf frisbees 
Munchkins are too busy running from the Real Men/Whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite AD&D Spell:

Real Men cast Fireballs 
Real Roleplayers cast Find the Path 
Loonies cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking 
Munchkins cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace 

AD&D Spell that Will Really Piss Them Off

Real Men hate Mirror Image 
Real Roleplayers are horrified by Trap the Soul 
Loonies can't stand Protection From Cantrips 
Munchkins hate Anti-Magic Shell 

Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell:

Real Men cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords 
Real Roleplayers cast Demoralize on their foes 
Loonies cast Befuddle on their friends 
Munchkins cast Fireball 

Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell:

Real Men cast Dominate Human on others 
Real Roleplayers cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves 
Loonies cast Dominate Human on themselves 
Munchkins cast Meteor Swarm 

Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell:

Real Men cast Berserker on themselves 
Real Roleplayers cast Heal Body 
Loonies cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat 
Munchkins cast Timestop 

Favorite GURPS Magic Spell:

Real Men don't use magic, but they'll let the mage cast Hawk Flight on them so they can pursue the foe 
Real Roleplayers cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet 
Loonies cast Mystic Mist in the town square 
Munchkins cast Enslave on the city guard 

Researched Spells

Real Men research Ambidextrousness Spell 
Real Roleplayers research a Wisdom Spell that works with spells 
Loonies research Blind Wizard Eye Spell 
Munchkins research Control GM Spell 

Favorite AD&D Psionic Ability:

Real Men use Body Weaponry 
Real Roleplayers use Shape Alteration 
Loonies use Sea Anemone Hypnosis 
Munchkins use Assume Godhood 

Favorite Alignment:

Real Men are Lawful Good 
Real Roleplayers don't use alignment 
Loonies are Amoral Silly 
Munchkins are whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Religious-type Character:

Real Men play Paladins 
Real Roleplayers play Clerics 
Loonies play street preachers 
Munchkins play Demigods 

Favorite Non-Human PC:

Real Men play Dwarfs 
Real Roleplayers play Morokanths 
Loonies play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed 
Munchkins play whatever gives the most plusses/Demi-gods 

Favorite Undead to Summon:

Real Men summon Ghosts 
Real Roleplayers summon Wraiths 
Loonies send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet 
Munchkins summon Cerberus 

Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins:

Real Men torture them 
Real Roleplayers cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read 
Loonies tell puns to them 
Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield 

Favorite Demon/Devil:

Real Men like Asmodeus 
Real Roleplayers like Cacodemon 
Loonies like Spiro Agnew 
Munchkins like Satan's grandfather 

Favorite God:

Real Men worship Humakt/Orlanth 
Real Roleplayers worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy 
Loonies worship Hare Krishna 
Munchkins worship whoever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item:

Real Men love Adamantine Claws 
Real Roleplayers love Repulsor Rays 
Loonies love Radioactive Teeth/+3 Kleenex 
Munchkins love Uru's Hammer 

Favorite Potion:

Real Men drink potions of Superheroism 
Real Roleplayers drink potions of Animal/Plant Control 
Loonies drink potions of Jell-O 
Munchkins drink potions of Deity Control 

Favorite Ring:

Real Men wear rings of Elemental Control 
Real Roleplayers wear rings of Free Action 
Loonies wear rings of Smurf Control 
Munchkins wear rings of Infinite Wishes/the One Ring 

Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand):

Real Men wield staves of Striking 
Real Roleplayers wield wands of Healing 
Loonies wield rods of styrofoam 
Munchkins wield staves of Deity Power 

Favorite Armor:

Real Men wear Plate Mail 
Real Roleplayers wear Elven Chainmail 
Loonies wear Horse Barding 
Munchkins wear powered armor a la Starship Troopers 

Favorite Helm:

Real Men wear a Helm of Brilliance 
Real Roleplayers wear a Helm of Telepathy 
Loonies wear a Helm of Blindness (``Works great against medusas'') 
Munchkins wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field 

Favorite Shield:

Real Men don't use shields (can't wield a two-handed weapon) 
Real Roleplayers use a Kite Shield 
Loonies use a panty shield 
Munchkins don't get the previous joke/use a Shield of Automatic Parry 

Favorite Glove/Gauntlet:

Real Men fight bare-handed 
Real Roleplayers wear Gloves of Dexterity 
Loonies wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma 
Munchkins wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing 

Favorite Footwear:

Real Men wear Seven League Boots 
Real Roleplayers wear Boots of Stealth 
Loonies wear house slippers 
Munchkins wear Boots of Infinite Speed 

Favorite Mount:

Real Men ride heavy war horses 
Real Roleplayers ride palfreys 
Loonies ride sheep 
Munchkins ride heavy war tyrannosauri 

Favorite NPC:

Real Men like Tarl Cabot 
Real Roleplayers like Medea 
Loonies like Doctor Who 
Munchkins like Darth Vader/Teela Brown 

Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar:

Real Men have Black Cats 
Real Roleplayers have Owls 
Loonies have Slugs 
Munchkins have whatever gives the most plusses/Ancient Red Dragons 

Favorite Kind of Elf:

Real Men like the Pinis' elves 
Real Roleplayers like Tolkien's elves 
Loonies like Santa's elves 
Munchkins like Storm Giants with pointed ears 

Favorite Kind of Dwarf:

Real Men like Tolkien's Dwarfs 
Real Roleplayers like Glorantha's Dwarfs 
Loonies like the Seven Dwarfs 
Munchkins like Earth Elementals with beards 

Favorite Food to take on Expeditions:

Real Men bring along burgers, fries, milkshakes, and pizza 
Real Roleplayers bring along iron rations 
Loonies bring along Froot Loops/aluminum rations 
Munchkins bring along whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Fantasy Author:

Real Men read J.R.R. Tolkien ``Lord of the Rings'' 
Real Roleplayers read Robert Asprin's ``Thieves' World'' series 
Loonies read Robert Asprin's ``Myth'' series 
Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax 

Favorite AD&D monsters to fight

Real Men fight giants or Rakshasas 
Real Roleplayers fight Mind-flayers or vampires 
Loonies fight Giant Frogs, Pixies or treants 
Munchkins fight ancient dragons and a tarrasque... simultaneously 

When they encounter a sleeping dragon:

Real Men wake it up and THEN attack it. 
Real Roleplayers sneak away quietly. 
Loonies tie its shoelaces together. 
Munchkins have their 34th-level thief backstab it with their +17 Sword of Slay Anything, and then put all its treasure in one backpack and run away. 

What to do when confronted by a greater demon:

Real Men attack; what the hell, no guts, no glory. 
Real Roleplayers leave the character who invoked the greater demon to deal with it. 
Loonies say, "Say the secret word and the duck will give you $100." 
Munchkins scream, "That's not fair! It's not in the Monster Manual!" 

When faced by an army of 10,000 "1 hit die" beings:

Real Men send in their 7th level barbarian...alone. 
Real Roleplayers gather a lot of midrange-level mages and thieves, memorize a lot of Sleep, Stinking Cloud, Web, and Chaos spells, fly over the army, cast away, and let the thieves clean up. Then go do something not quite so cliche'. 
Loonies find a bowl of popcorn, a tall cliff, and two dozen or so Horns of Valhalla; toot away; and enjoy the show. 
Munchkins send in their 50th level paladin, 45th level ranger, and 38th level cleric/magic-user, memorize a lot of Chain Lightning spells, and attack from within a Cube of Force for the three rounds it would take. 

Favorite Town Activity:

Real Men drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights. 
Real Roleplayers drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone. 
Loonies order watermelon daquiris and start food fights. 
Munchkins say ``What's a town?'' 

Favorite Attack Style:

Real Men Shout warcry, and wade into battle. 
Real Roleplayers Parry and counterattack; protect comrade's backs. 
Loonies Throw sword at opponent, then attack with scabbard and lunchbox. 
Munchkins Leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike. 

Favorite Way to Die:

Real Men In battle, with boots on, going down swinging. 
Real Roleplayers On deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech. 
Loonies Laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a bag of holding. 
Munchkins Die? You're kidding, right? 


Real Men Wherever he hangs up his two-hander 
Real Roleplayers Elsinor 
Loonies Toontown 
Munchkins Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants) 

Favorite Specialist Mages in AD&D:

Real Men don't like magic, but if they have to play a mage, they'll be an invoker w/ lots of fireballs or a transmuter w/ strength and enlarge. 
Real Roleplayers enchanter or illusionist 
Loonies illusionist with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and spectral force, conjurer specializing in create banana peel spell, or a transmuter specializing in polymorph self into a random creature, plant, or object 
Munchkins a multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter/illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter 

Dealing with a Dragon:

Real Men Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands. (is this a trick question or what?) 
Real Roleplayers Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal. 
Loonies Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man. 
Munchkins Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar. 


Science Fiction

Favorite Science Fiction Weapon:

Real Men use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers 
Real Roleplayers use Stun Guns/Tanglers 
Loonies use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades/Tripod Flamers 
Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Method of Handling Alien Monster:

Real Men drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth 
Real Roleplayers negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire 
Loonies hitch a ride with Vogons 
Munchkins invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all 

Favorite Science Fiction Movie:

Real Men watch the Star Wars films 
Real Roleplayers watch ``2001: A Space Odyssey/2010: Odyssey Two'' 
Loonies watch ``The Three Stooges Go To Mars'' 
Munchkins watch the Star Trek films 

Favorite Method of Space Travel:

Real Men use Hyperspace/Warp Drive 
Real Roleplayers use suspended animation 
Loonies use the Infinite Improbability Drive 
Munchkins push the button and it goes 

Favorite Star to Put a Colony Around:

Real Men colonize Beta Lyrae 
Real Roleplayers colonize Alpha Centauri 
Loonies colonize Cygnus X-1 
Munchkins colonize wherever gives the most plusses 

Favorite Science Fiction Author:

Real Men read Isaac Asimov 
Real Roleplayers read Arthur C. Clarke 
Loonies read Bored of the Rings/Doon/Hitchhiker 
Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax 

Favorite Monster:

Real Men like the Alien 
Real Roleplayers like the Moties 
Loonies like the beach ball from Dark Star 
Munchkins like E.T. 

Favorite Variant Human:

Real Men play Heavy Worlders 
Real Roleplayers play Light Worlders/Spacers 
Loonies play Sex Androids 
Munchkins play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages 



Favorite Bar to Hang Out In:

Real Men hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn 
Real Roleplayers hang out at the White Hart 
Loonies hang out at the Big Bang Burger Bar/Restaurant at the End of the Universe 
Munchkins hang out wherever they don't get carded 

Favorite Superhero:

Real Men like Batman (The Dark Knight) 
Real Roleplayers like Jericho 
Loonies like Bat-Mite/Flaming Carrot/Cutey Bunny 
Munchkins like Galactus 

Favorite Comic Book Characters:

Real Men like Batman, the Punisher, and Lobo 
Real Roleplayers like Zot!, Sandman, and Concrete 
Loonies like Elrod the Albino, Voice-Over, and Mr. Monster 
Munchkins like everything Marvel publishes 

Favorite Modern weapon:

Real Men use .44 Magnums 
Real Roleplayers use Walther PPKs 
Loonies use water pistols 
Munchkins use Infinite-Repeating Uzis 

Favorite Actor:

Real Men like John Wayne 
Real Roleplayers like Claus Kinski 
Loonies like Curly 
Munchkins watch Saturday-morning cartoons 

Favorite Actress:

Real Men like Raquel Welch 
Real Roleplayers like Adrienne Barbeau 
Loonies like Phyllis Diller 
Munchkins are far too young to know about Sex 

Favorite Actor to play James Bond:

Real Men like Sean Connery 
Real Roleplayers like George Lazenby 
Loonies like David Niven 
Munchkins like Roger Moore 

Favorite Card Game:

Real Men play Gin 
Real Roleplayers play Bridge 
Loonies play Fizzbin/Fungus and Fruitbats 
Munchkins cheat at Poker 

Favorite Music:

Real Men listen to Bruce Springsteen 
Real Roleplayers listen to 14th-century madrigals 
Loonies listen to Weird Al Yankovic 
Munchkins watch MTV 

Favorite Character from Star Trek the Next Generation:

Real Men revere Worf 
Real Roleplayers like Data 
Loonies like Q 
Munchkins prefer the original Star Trek 

Theme Song:

Real Men Tuff Enuff 
Real Roleplayers Games Without Frontiers 
Loonies Hairdresser on Fire 
Munchkins Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better 

Biggest Fear:

Real Men fear dying with their boots off 
Real Roleplayers fear the death of a friend or loved one 
Loonies fear nothing 
Munchkins fear level drain 

Favorite Magazine:

Real Men read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads are real. 
Real Roleplayers read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue about the point value of disadvantages. 
Loonies read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill. 
Munchkins read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man should have married MJ. 

Favorite Convention Activity:

Real Men ``Do the Dealer's Room'' 
...  hang out in the con suite 
Real Roleplayers go to seminars/hide in their rooms and play games 
Loonies play video games 
...  do hoax zines 
Munchkins run and shout and cut in lines 

Favorite Activity at SF conventions:

Real Men feel smug because they have a better build than 99% of the people there 
Real Roleplayers go to the panels and hang out 
Loonies watch movies like Earth Versus the Flying Saucers, and test how high their credit limit really is 
Munchkins do gaming 


Real Men watch MTV because they like the music 
Real Roleplayers turn the TV off because they can't hear the GM 
Loonies watch MTV because they run Beavis and Butthead 
Munchkins watch MTV because they can identify with the VJs. 
...  because Mommy won't let them watch it at home. 

Favorite snack food:

Real Men like beer and pretzels 
Real Roleplayers do not consider Cheetos and Dr Pepper to be snack food, since one can live on them for months 
Loonies eat Veggie Pops 
Munchkins eat anything someone else buys 

Favorite Gaming Awards:

Real Men vote for the (new) Charles Roberts awards from 3W 
Real Roleplayers vote for the Origins Awards 
Loonies come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote on the Silver Hatchets 
Munchkins vote for the Strategists Club awards 

Favorite Type of Dice:

Real Men like 20-siders 
Real Roleplayers use three 6-siders 
Loonies use 30-sided for everything 
Munchkins have them all, and like to roll as many as possible 


Real Men carry two each of 4-, 6-, 8-, 12- and 20-sided dice 
Real Roleplayers carry three six-sided dice for playing GURPS 
Loonies carry marbles and called them one-sided dice 
Munchkins carry shopping bags full of every kind of die imaginable 

Background Music:

Real Men play to the strains of ELO, Led Zeppelin and Meat Loaf 
Real Roleplayers like Ride of the Valkyries, Night on Bald Mountain and Danse Macabre 
Loonies play Spike Jones, Mantovani and Estonian all-tuba folk music all at the same time 
Munchkins play Van Halen, Whitesnake and Megadeth at levels that would crack stone 

TV Shows:

Real Men don't watch TV; they think you should watch football in person. 
Real Roleplayers don't watch TV; all their favorite shows got taken off the air. 
Loonies don't watch TV; all their favorite shows got taken off the air within the first six episodes. 
Munchkins are watching what's left. 

Outdoor game played:

Real Men Real Men play football or rugby. 
Real Roleplayers Real Roleplayers play the Survival Game. 
Loonies Loonies play Moopsball. 
Munchkins Munchkins play Killer and cheat. 

Deadly Sin:

Real Men Wrath. 
Real Roleplayers Avarice. 
Loonies Nose-picking. (It is too a deadly sin! Look it up! Really!) 
Munchkins Sloth and Envy. 

Means of Transportation:

Real Men drive anything that gets less than 8 MPG. 
Real Roleplayers drive anything that gets more than 25 MPG. 
Loonies drive anything that's painted more than 10 colors. 
Munchkins ride with Mom 'n' Dad in the minivan. 

Favorite Indoor Sport:

Real Men play pool/pocket billiards. 
Real Roleplayers play darts. 
Loonies have towel fights. 
Munchkins avoid bedtime. 

Favorite British Group:

Real Men like Led Zeppelin. 
Real Roleplayers like the editors of White Dwarf. 
Loonies like Parliament. 
Munchkins like Whitesnake. 

Most Cherished Possession:

Real Men have an autographed football. 
Real Roleplayers have autographed Vangelis tickets. 
Loonies have fake vomit that, yes, even smells real. 
Munchkins have an autographed 'Masters of the Universe' poster. 

Favorite Computer:

Real Men use IBM's 
Real Roleplayers use Mac's 
Loonies use video games 
Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses 


Real Men read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads are real. 
Real Roleplayers read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue about the point value of disadvantages. 
Loonies read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill. 
...  Weekly World News. 
Munchkins read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man should have married MJ. 
...  E. Gary Gygax introductions (they don't read the rules...) 

How many roleplayers does it take to change a light bulb?

Real Men None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark. 
Real Roleplayers None. Darkness gives better atmosphere. 
Loonies Two. One to change the bulb, the other to make shadow puppets. 
Munchkins None. The light shines out of their ass anyway. 


Call Of Cthulhu

Favorite Spell:

Real Men don't believe in magic 
Real Roleplayers cast Elder Sign 
Loonies cast Summon Smurf 
Munchkins cast Control Cthulhu 

Favorite Monster:

Real Men like Deep Ones 
Real Roleplayers don't like any of them 
Loonies like Masters of the Universe Slime 
Munchkins like Azathoth 

Favorite Type of Character to Play:

Real Men play Private Investigators 
Real Roleplayers play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology 
Loonies play Red Indian Sex Maniacs 
Munchkins play Magic-Users 



Capsule Opinion:

Real Men think this is how the world should be. 
Real Roleplayers think there's too much combat. 
Loonies think it's a great system for simulating reality. 
Munchkins think starting characters don't have enough points. 

Favorite Character Type:

Real Men like Bricks. 
Real Roleplayers like Mentalists. 
Loonies like Cream-Puff Projectors. 
Munchkins like visiting Gods. 

Favorite Power:

Real Men like Damage Resistance. 
Real Roleplayers like Telepathy. 
Loonies like Instant Change with the advantage Usable on Others. 
Munchkins like Autofire Find Weakness. 

Favorite Attribute:

Real Men like Strength. 
Real Roleplayers like Ego. 
Loonies like Comeliness. 
Munchkins like Speed. 

Favorite Disadvantage:

Real Men like Berserk. 
Real Roleplayers like Psychological Limitations. 
Loonies like Dependency on Spinach Egg Noodles. 
Munchkins like Unusual Looks. 

Favorite Power Limitation:

Real Men like Always On. 
Real Roleplayers like Limited Uses. 
Loonies like Activation on 8-. 
Munchkins like Focus and Multipower. 

Tactics in Hostage Situations:

Real Men demonstrate what'll happen to villians who injure hostages. 
Real Roleplayers create an illusion of the hostages getting away. 
Loonies taunt the villians. 
Munchkins waste the villians with their 10d6 Autofire Armor-Piercing Ranged Killing Attack, and use Regeneration Usable on Others to heal the injured bystanders. 


Changeling: The Dreaming

Favorite Kith:

Real Men play Trolls or Redcaps 
Real Roleplayers play Sidhe or Eshu 
Loonies play Unseelie Pookah Grumps 
Munchkins play Vampire 

Favorite Legacies:

Real Men choose Paladin/Beast 
Real Roleplayers choose Troubador/Riddler 
Loonies choose Orchid/Grotesque 
Munchkins ... play Vampire 

Favorite Art:

Real Men use Primal 
Real Roleplayers use Sovereign 
Loonies use Chicanery 
Munchkins ... you know 



Favourite character type:

Real Men play Solos or Nomads 
Real Roleplayers play Fixers or Techies 
Loonies play Rockers 
...  play Politicians or Pizza-Delivery Men 
...  play Royal family poseur gangers 
Munchkins play Street Samurai or Psionic Vampires 
...  play any character with +10 in special ability - usually higher. 

Favourite weapon:

Real Men use the Militech Advanced Assault Rifle 
...  United Nations Colonial marine corps M42 A2 
Real Roleplayers use light SMGs 
...  use medium autopistols and light SMGs 
...  use Glock 30s or Baretta M20-Fs with gun-cams 
Loonies use a .22 Gatling 
...  use donuts 
...  use a buzz hand on a grapple fist as a ranged weapon 
Munchkins use a Barrett-Arasaka 20mm cannon, modified for fully automatic fire, with a sawed-off barrel and a cut-down stock to fit under an armoured long coat 
...  use the all-new 10mm man-portable railgun or, in a pinch, use an Anti-Matter Rifle 
...  have a remote control pad for a lunar rail gun or two

Favourite armour:

Real Men wear MetalGear 
Real Roleplayers wear a light armour jacket 
...  wear Lawtech skintight 
Loonies wear a t-shirt and ripped jeans 
...  wear armored opera cloaks 
...  hide in armoured wheelie bins 
Munchkins get a Dragoon full-body conversion 
...  wear ACPA Powered Armor 

Favourite cyberware:

Real Men like reflex boosts and smartgun link (is this a trick question?) 
Real Roleplayers like interface plugs 
...  like inobvious cyberware 
Loonies like a forehead-mounted Mr Studd [TM] 
...  like the Cyber-Bar ... in both legs 
Munchkins get a HumanityRestoraTron [TM] 
...  like the Full Body Conversions, preferably the Dragoon model, with full inpatient therapy and really low Humanity Loss rolls 
...  like Gemini Full body conversions (so they can fit into their ACPA) and get it fitted at the Scandinavian clinics so they get no humanity loss on average. 

Favourite vehicle:

Real Men AV-4 with gatling cannon 
Real Roleplayers Bicycle 
...  Recumbent motorcycles or classic Harleys 
Loonies Advertising blimp 
...  Pedicabs 
...  Cyber scates 
Munchkins Punknaught with the works, with extra pepperoni AV-9s with full military loads, or the M-6 Main Battle Tank 

When cornered in a firefight:

Real Men take out the REAL big gun and tell them to back off before they get hurt 
Real Roleplayers switch sides 
...  shout "You have the right to remain silent......." 
Loonies click the heels of their combat boots together and say "there's no place like home". 
Munchkins break their Trauma Team card 
...  call in a micro-Orbital strike 

Favourite method of B&E:

Real Men kick the door down and wonder where the other PCs have gone 
Real Roleplayers look under doormat for keys 
...  use their B&E tools to casually but stealthily gain entrance 
Loonies ring the doorbell 
Munchkins use the Militech Plastic Explosive Delivery Service 
...  use Militech 
...  use detcord 

Find employment as:

Real Men Bodyguard 
Real Roleplayers Librarian 
...  Fixers, console cowboys 
Loonies Quality Control personnel for Second Chance/Armour Inc. 
...  Rodent Control personnel in Night City 
Munchkins CEO (at age 15) 
...  CEOs of three major megacorps by the time they're twenty
...  set up their own corporation, and are rivals to Arasaka and EBM combined within 2 years 


Fantasy Hero

Capsule Opinion:

Real Men like how expensive magic is. 
Real Roleplayers don't like how expensive magic is. 
Loonies like the bizzare disadvantages you can create. 
Munchkins like the crossover from Champions. 

Character Type:

Real Men play Dwarven Knights. 
Real Roleplayers play Elven Mages. 
Loonies play Halfling Knights. 
Munchkins play their Champions characters. 

Favorite Spell Limitations:

Real Men wish there weren't any, so magic would be even more expensive. 
Real Roleplayers like Gestures, Incantation, and Concentrate. 
Loonies like Side Effects. 
Munchkins use the Champions rules. 

Favorite Spells:

Real Men like any kind of magic greatsword. 
Real Roleplayers like Percieve and Illusions. 
Loonies like Dominate usable on Self Only. 
Munchkins like Blast, Variable Advantage, Reduced END to zero. 



Capsule Opinion:

Real Men think there aren't enough combats. 
Real Roleplayers think there aren't enough supplements. 
Loonies think there aren't enough disadvantages. 
Munchkins think there aren't enough hit points. 

Favorite Advantages:

Real Men like Combat Reflexes, Strong Will, High Pain Threshold and Toughness. 
Real Roleplayers like Charisma, Danger Sense, Empathy, Literacy and Voice. 
Loonies like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background. 
Munchkins like Magery 3, Patron (Superman), and PK (80). 

Favorite Disadvantages:

Real Men like Gigantism and Berserk 
Real Roleplayers like Sense of Duty and Poverty 
Loonies like Severe Delusions, Severe Phobias, Split Personality, Total Pacifism and Berserk - all at the same time. 
Munchkins like Enemies and Dependents (for the points). 

Favorite Skills:

Real Men like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword, Broadsword and Shield. 
Real Roleplayers like Acting, Bard, Detect Lies, Diplomacy, Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise. 
Loonies like to use ALL skills at a default level of 5. 
Munchkins like Fast-Talk GM and Whine. 

Favorite Combat Spell:

Real Men don't use magic. 
Real Roleplayers cast Blur and Flash. 
Loonies cast Create Object (cream pies) and throw them. 
Munchkins cast Armor, Shield, Invisibility and Deathtouch. 

Favorite Non-Combat Spell:

Real Men still don't use magic. 
Real Roleplayers cast Major Healing. 
Loonies cast Drunkenness on the other PCs. 
Munchkins cast Linking spells on everything they own. 

Favorite GURPS Fire Spell:

Real Men cast Flaming Weapon on their swords. 
Real Roleplayers cast Resist Fire. 
Loonies cast Cold on Fire Elementals. 
Munchkins cast Flame Jet 10 times (one on each finger!). 

Favorite GURPS Other Spell:

Real Men cast Rear Vision so they can take on more enemies. 
Real Roleplayers cast Mage Sight. 
Loonies with Acrophobia cast Shapeshift:Eagle/Create Food on their friends' boots. 
Munchkins cast Analyze Magic. 

Favorite Character for GURPS WildCards:

Real Men play Yeoman, Carnifex or the Black Shadow. 
Real Roleplayers play Popinjay or Chrysalis. 
Loonies play The Sleeper. 
Munchkins play The Astronomer or the Turtle. 

Favorite IOU College:

Real Men are COUP majors. 
Real Roleplayers are SCA or WUSE majors. 
Loonies are in Campus Insecurity. 
Munchkins major in Controlling the ArchDean. 

Favorite Supplement:

Real Men like Horseclans and Ice Age. 
Real Roleplayers like Space, Horror and Japan. 
Loonies like Toon. 
Munchkins like Fantasy, Horror and Autoduel - in the same game. 

Supplement Most Wanted:

Real Men want Wild West and World War II. 
Real Roleplayers want Illuminati. 
Loonies want Pet Rocks/Creeks & Crawdads. 
Munchkins want Supers and Mecha, to add to their Fantasy/Horror/Autoduel game. 




Real Men "Fight the good fight, and die with your enemy's heart in your hands"
Real Roleplayers "Knowledge is power, and the pen mightier than the sword"
Loonies "There once was a man from Nantucket" 
Munchkins "I am God here"

Favourite Nightbane Morphus Form

Real Men  like the Bear for strength, or Bio-Mechanical table so he can be grafted to a tank 
Real Roleplayers like Stigmata for the angst
Loonies like the Clown table 
Munchkins  use the Greater God table 

Favourite Morphus Unnatural Feature

Real Men like extra arms for the additional attack 
Real Roleplayers like extra sensory organs, so they can interact with the world better 
Loonies like the "privates on forehead" disfigurement 
Munchkins can't do without Undamagable Diamond Skin 

Favourite Nightbane Talent

Real Men take Anti-Arcane so girly-man wizards can't slow him down 
Real Roleplayers take See Truth 
Loonies use Soil Underwear and Sour Milk often 
Munchkins like Inflict Hideous Flaming Death On Hundreds of People 

Favourite Class

Real Men play a Nightbane with Spook Squad training 
Real Roleplayers play Astral Detectives or Mystics 
Loonies play Naturals and spend their PPE on "stupid human tricks" and "hosting info-mercials" 
Munchkins won't play any class without MDC armor 

Favourite Psionic Power

Real Men take Telekinetic Punch - but don't need to use it 
Real Roleplayers  Object Read 
Loonies  Uncontrollable Spontaneous Combustion 
Munchkins Crush the Soul 

Favourite Magic Spell

Real Men Superhuman Strength or Mystic Armor 
Real Roleplayers Eyes of Thoth, to read those manuscripts 
Loonies take the Swim as a Fish variant, "Sink Like a Stone" 
Munchkins Cause Nuclear Detonation, Create Astral Kingdom, and Summon and Control Nightlords

Favourite Location

Real Men the Nightlands, for the combat 
Real Roleplayers the Dreamstream, for the encounters 
Loonies a dark closet, so they make make spooky noises and scare themselves
Munchkins think they rule any universe with matter and/or energy in it

Favourite Weapon

Real Men  use 50 caliber machineguns and explosives 
Real Roleplayers use the written word 
Loonies use Nerf miniguns 
Munchkins complain they can't use MDC weapons from Rifts 

Least Favorite Monster

Real Men hate cultists - they die too easily 
Real Roleplayers hate NSB agents, for stealing everyone's civil rights 
Real Loonies hate that clown in the red wig - his burgers suck, but the french fries are good
Real Munchkins hate everything without a treasure listing 

Right before dying

Real Men take their opponent to Valhalla with them 
Real Roleplayers deliver a final speech, to comfort friends and assure them that the cause is worth the sacrifice 
Real Loonies ask someone to hold their hand for the last few seconds, then laugh themselves to death after getting another victim with the old "get mortally wounded so you can Joy Buzzer the nearest putz" trick 
Real Munchkins don't understand this "dying" thing 

After defeating the minions of the Nightlords

Real Men reload their weapons 
Real Roleplayers give thanks that the evil plans have been thwarted 
Loonies insist the combination of rubber bands, vanilla pudding, and Bing Crosby music saved the day 
Munchkins animate the bodies after searching them for treasure 



Capsule Opinion:

Real Men think the weapons are OK, but hate the background. 
Real Roleplayers think the campaigns are too short. 
Loonies think the game isn't funny enough. 
Munchkins don't think the game is supposed to be funny. 

Favorite Service Group:

Real Men like Armed Forces. 
Real Roleplayers like Tech Services and CPU. 
Loonies like R&D. 
Munchkins like IntSec. 

Favorite Secret Society:

Real Men like Anti-Mutant, Frankenstein Destroyers, and PURGE. 
Real Roleplayers like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club. 
Loonies like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics. 
Munchkins like Psion. 

Favorite Mutant Power:

Real Men like Adrenalin Control. 
Real Roleplayers like Hypersenses. 
Loonies like Project Total Chaos. 
Munchkins like characters with the works. 

Favorite Weapon:

Real Men like cone rifles. 
Real Roleplayers like laser pistols. 
Loonies like chainsaws and anything from R&D. 
Munchkins like Plasma Generators. 

Favorite Target:

Real Men shoot Commie Mutant Traitors. 
Real Roleplayers shoot the Munchkins' characters. 
Loonies shoot anything fragile-looking. 
Munchkins shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs. 

Favorite Mission:

Real Men like to hunt down Commie Mutant Traitors. 
Real Roleplayers like to try to survive the briefing. 
Loonies like to place themselves under surveillance and report hourly. 
Munchkins like to attack a rival Alpha Complex. 



Favourite OCC or RCC:

Real Men play Borgs, Power Armor Pilots, and Juicers 
Real Roleplayers play Rogue Scientists, City Rats and Cyber-Knights 
Loonies play Crazies and Shapers 
Munchkins play whatever has the most MDC (usually an Apok/Juicer/Cosmo-Knight/Glitter Boy combination) 

Favourite non-weapon skill:

Real Men take boxing, for the extra attack 
Real Roleplayers take science or language skills 
Loonies take engineering and chemistry for their practical joke value 
Munchkins don't understand why skills not associated with weapons are important 

Favourite weapon:

Real Men use rail guns and missile launchers 
Real Roleplayers use longbows and neural maces 
Loonies use Nerf weapons 
Munchkins use a mini-gun made out of six Boom Guns custom fit with ACME (tm) recoil suppressors 

Favourite body armour:

Real Men prefer power armor or exoskeletons 
Real Roleplayers wear Triax "plain clothes" armor 
Loonies wrap themselves in toilet paper 
Munchkins wear the Invulnerable Coat of Arnd plus a never-needs recharging Naruni forcefield with 250,000 MDC 

Favourite power armour:

Real Men wear anything that gives them enough PS to carry around real weapons or has its own B.F.G. 
Real Roleplayers hide behind the Real Men :) 
Loonies use anything with reactive armor 
Munchkins don't use anything with under 1,000 MDC 

Favourite robotic vehicle:

Real Men prefer Coalition bots (for the look), or the Triax Devastator (for the firepower) 
Real Roleplayers prefer Behemoth explorers (with lots of space for keepsakes and research) 
Loonies still prefer anything with reactive armor 
Munchkins use the Death Star 

Favourite cyberware:

Real Men like bionic limbs and/or bionic reconstruction 
Real Roleplayers choose fingerjacks or translators 
Loonies like plastic vampire teeth and fake blood 
Munchkins take what ever will give them the most MDC bonuses 

When cornered in a firefight:

Real Men smile and keep on shooting 
Real Roleplayers negotiate with their attackers 
Loonies feign death 
Munchkins rift in 50 adult dragons and hundred-handed 

Find employment as:

Real Men bodyguards and mercenaries 
Real Roleplayers spies and scholars 
Loonies head of Coalition-Atlantis relations office 
Munchkins depose Splynn and take over the Megaverse 

Favourite place:

Real Men Germany, for the constant battles 
Real Roleplayers Wormwood, for the new culture 
Loonies the bathtub, for undersea adventures 
Munchkins like to go where they can get the most credits 

Favourite Spell:

Real Men don't play spellcasters, but like Superhuman Strength 
Real Roleplayers like anything associated with communication 
Loonies use Blinding Flash so as to conserve their camera batteries 
Munchkins wish there were as many spells as Dungeons and Dragons 

Favourite psionic power:

Real Men love Sixth Sense and Mind Block 
Real Roleplayers prefer Object Read and Empathy 
Loonies like Hydrokinesis so they can sense open water within a 20' radius 
Munchkins have them all at first level 

When faced down by an adult dragon with forcefields thick enough to bounce ping pong balls off of:

Real Men Open up with full melee sprays until their weapon systems of their huge bot vehicles over heat 
Real Roleplayers Summon an anti-magic cloud and go Heeh-heeh! Sorry about your life! 
Loonies Strike a bargain with the enemy 
Munchkins Bring in the SDF 3 out of orbit, do a body-block ram that does 10d20 x 1000 MDC 



General Opinion:

Real Men think the magicians are too powerful 
Real Roleplayers think the background is excellent but the rules need heavy revision 
Loonies like any game where you can play a Rocker 
Munchkins like any game that's complicated enough to increase their chances of a successful rules rape 

Favorite part of the Queen Euphoria module:

Real Men ... if you have to ask, you haven't played it so never mind. 
Real Roleplayers liked the planning of how to break into Euphoria's penthouse 
Loonies liked the idea of a module based on 21st century junk food 
Munchkins like getting all the weapons & armor 

Favorite type of cyberware:

Real Men use hand razors 
Real Roleplayers use Skill Wires 6 
Loonies have cortex bombs 
Munchkins have Wired Reflexes 4 

Favorite Archetype:

Real Men play Street samurai (Troll if possible) 
Real Roleplayers play adepts 
Loonies play Deckers (anyone will do if they're cyberpsychotic) 
Munchkins play street Mages 

Prefered Shamanistic Totem:

Real Men use Bear 
Real Roleplayers use Coyote 
Loonies use Koala 
Munchkins use Western Dragon 

Prefered Firearm

Real Men use an AK-98 assault rifle 
Real Roleplayers use a Walter 2100 sniper rifle 
Loonies use a Narcoject rifle that shoots darts with a powerful halucigen, then randomly snipe at people on the street 
Munchkins use grenade launchers 

Prefered Weapon in Hand to Hand

Real Men use battle axes or Killing Hands 
Real Roleplayers use monomolecular whips 
Loonies use their pocket secretary 
Munchkins use a Force 5 power focus Katana 


Teenagers From Outer Space

Capsule Opinion:

Real Men can't understand the game at all. 
Real Roleplayers think the game is silly. 
Loonies think the game is about them. 
Munchkins want to play their 700-point Champions character. 

Favorite Character Type:

Real Men play Near Humans. 
Real Roleplayers play Humans. 
Loonies play green fuzzy blobs that drip slime. 
Munchkins play Deities. 

Favorite Powers:

Real Men have Superspeed, Monster Out, and Superstrength. 
Real Roleplayers have Teleport, Deep Freeze, and Talk to Aliens. 
Loonies have Bounce, Summon Pizza, and Telephone. 
Munchkins have all of them. 

Favorite Knacks:

Real Men like Shoot Big Raygun and Flying Saucer Piloting. 
Real Roleplayers like Figure Things Out and Look Cool in Shades. 
Loonies like Weird Science and Eat Anything. 
Munchkins like Do Anything I Want. 

Favorite Weapon:

Real Men like Zap Guns. 
Real Roleplayers like Duplicator Guns. 
Loonies like Goop Guns and Boy/Girl Guns. 
Munchkins like AT-AT Walkers. 

Favorite Transportation:

Real Men use flying saucers. 
Real Roleplayers use the Number 42 Crosstown Expedience Route. 
Loonies use Rocket Sneakers. 
Munchkins use Battlestars. 


Villains And Vigilantes

Capsule Opinion:

Real Men Don't like to adhere to the Superhero Code enforced by the government. 
Real Roleplayers Join the government peacekeeping force. 
Loonies Represent themselves at their trials. 
Munchkins Are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?) 

Favorite Character Type:

Real Men Play 600 pound Bricks. 
Real Roleplayers Play telepaths. 
Loonies Play insane androids. 
Munchkins Play alien sorcerers. 

Favorite Power:

Real Men Like Invulnerability and Armor A. 
Real Roleplayers Like Psionics. 
Loonies Like Mutant Power. 
Munchkins Like Power Absorption. 

Favorite Ability Score:

Real Men Like Endurance. 
Real Roleplayers Like Intelligence. 
Loonies Like Charisma. 
Munchkins Like Agility. 

Favorite Weakness:

Real Men Like Mute. 
Real Roleplayers Like Physical Handicap. 
Loonies Like Psychosis. 
Munchkins What weaknesses? 

Favorite Battle Tactics:

Real Men Pound villains into the ground or throw buses. 
Real Roleplayers Wear their opponents down before finishing them off. 
Loonies Dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about Planet of the Apes. 
Munchkins Negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience themselves. 

Favorite Combat Maneuver:

Real Men Like the Fastball Special. 
Real Roleplayers Like to trick villains into attacking each other instead of the heroes. 
Loonies Like Multiple Back Attacks. 
Munchkins Like Multiple Weakness Detection. 

Favorite Canned Adventure:

Real Men Like Death Duel with the Destroyers. 
Real Roleplayers Like FORCE. 
Loonies Like The Dawn of DNA. 
Munchkins Like Devil's Domain and Dawn of the Devil. 

Favorite Member of the Crushers:

Real Men Like Bull. 
Real Roleplayers Like FIST. 
Loonies Like Mocker. 
Munchkins Like Mercury Mercenary. 

Favorite Member of the Crusaders:

Real Men Like Enforcer. 
Real Roleplayers Like Dreamweaver. 
Loonies Like Laserfire. 
Munchkins Think the Crusaders are wimps. 

Favorite Member of the Destroyers:

Real Men Like Behemoth. 
Real Roleplayers Like Iron Maiden. 
Loonies Like Ratman. 
Munchkins Like Annihilator. 

Favorite Member of the Errants:

Real Men Like Adonis. 
Real Roleplayers Like Cockroach. 
Loonies Like Shee-Ariel. 
Munchkins Like Dr. DNA. 

Favorite Member of the Force:

Real Men Like Mister Magnum. 
Real Roleplayers Like Shadarkos. 
Loonies Like Cicada. 
Munchkins Like FORCE. 



Real Men

They are machismo incarnate. They are the few who can successfully stare down a emperor dragon, or knock a Bretonian Warhorse out with a single punch. They are the ones who are not afraid of facing the opposing general and ordering him to pack his things and head home before he gets hurt.

Real Roleplayers

The cunning and tactically brilliant people fall into this category. They are also the ones who utilize the history of the known warhammer world to determine their army.


These are the clowns and jokesters that hang out with your gaming group. They enjoy the game most when things go strangely and absurdly wrong. They might, for example, take an Undead General, manage to give him high magic, and pray for banishment so he can start some real destructive spell-casting!


Self-explanatory really.

Player Relationships

Real Men:

Real Men slap them on the back and buy them a round before the game.
Real Roleplayers occasionally let them win so they don't get hurt.
Loonies harass them with stupid tactics and opinions.
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Man, too!"

Real Roleplayers:

Real Men keep them handy during battle, on the off chance they may come up with something useful. 
Real Roleplayers start long and civil debates with them about the functionality of the opposing army and how it could be better equipped. 
Loonies annoy them with incessant irrelevance. 
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!" 


Real Men play around them. 
Real Roleplayers sometimes send them reeling by taking a stupid comment and turning it into a victory. 
Loonies order all the rest of the army to watch in silence as their snotlings duke it out. 
Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat. 


Real Men slay their figures without mercy. 
Real Roleplayers trick them into playing against the Real Men. 
Loonies offer reasonable-sounding tactics that will ultimately get them annihilated in varied and interesting ways. 
Munchkins query, "What's a Munchkin?" 


Favorite Attack Style:

Real Men Shout their war cry, and wade into hand to hand combat with their foes.
Real Roleplayers maneuver, shoot, and flank, so that they lose as few men as possible.
Loonies kick the opposing player under the table and blame it on the dog.
Munchkins ever hear of herohammer?

Favorite Way to Die:

Real Men in battle, with boots on, going down swinging.
Real Roleplayers impaled with an arrow through the heart, offering a fairwell speech.
Loonies impaled with a rubber arrow through the noggin, need I say more?
Munchkins "Sorry my characters are indestructable"

Warhammer Fantasy

Favorite Army:

Real Men Empire, favoring the big guns.
Real Roleplayers Use their own, well constructed army lists.
Loonies Orcs & Goblins, favoring the wacky side.
Munchkins Whatever is the most recent army allied with whatever is the most cheese laden.

Favorite Internet Site:

Real Men The University of Altdorf
Real Roleplayers Write their own page, but don't often surf the net.
Loonies The Insane Asylum of Altdorf
Munchkins Whatever provides the most hints and dirty tricks. 

Favorite Conversion:

Real Men Tough it out and buy and field only whats available (ouch!)
Real Roleplayers Chaos spawn conversions showing every gift.
Loonies Skaven Warpfire throwers riding blind cockatrices. (Mmm Mmm Fried Chicken!)
Munchkins Frenzied Chaos Lords riding Bloodthirsters. (as long as someone else does the modeling)

Favorite Combo:

Real Men General with a magic sword.
Real Roleplayers Mages with the "appropriate" magic deck.
Loonies casting "retsalbeseehc" at total power. (it is Tony's spell,ask him!)
Munchkins Forbidden Rod + Amber Amulet (or a thousand other hideous combos)

Favorite Monsters:

Real Men War Horses
Real Roleplayers Halflings
Loonies Rat Swarm mounted Snotlings or is it Snotling mounted Rat Swarms, or both!
Munchkins Giants and Emperor Dragons

Favorite Way to Cheat:

Real Men Use the Munchkin's dice
Real Roleplayers Don't need to.
Loonies Fudge rolls in order to make their shaman's head pop, mage go stupid, Gobbla attack friendly units, wizard succumb to the power of chaos, etc...
Munchkins Use loaded dice and spring photocopies of select portions of White Dwarf on the unwary.

Favorite Terrain:

Real Men Any kind, as long as it is out of the way of the fight.
Real Roleplayers Whatever is relevant to the current scenario.
Loonies Necromunda terrain, narrow bridges and ravines with wide units.
Munchkins A forest table covering when using wood elves.

Favorite Special Characters:

Real Men Elector Counts
Real Roleplayers Write histories and model their own.
Loonies Grom the Paunch of Misty Mountain crammed into a steam tank!
Munchkins Nagash the clown.

Favorite Spell:

Real Men cast WAAAAGH! or Drain Magic.
Real Roleplayers cast Coruscation of Finreir, Glamour of Teclis, Skitterleap, and Vanhels Danse Macabre.
Loonies cast most anything and target their own units more often then not. "I had to cast Net on my unit of stikkas, they were WAY to far ahead of everyone else and I didn't want to make anyone jealous!" 
Munchkins go for fiery convocation every time or select curse of years as an old fallback.

Favorite Familiar:

Real Men use the creeping hand as a warrior familiar.
Real Roleplayers use whatever fits the theme of the army.
Loonies use a live slug as a power familiar. (how many amps before they overload the charge though??)
Munchkins use emperor dragons as a "familiar".

Favorite Location in the Warhammer World:

Real Men prefer where the action is fiercest such as the chaos wastes.
Real Roleplayers enjoy Ulthuan where they can enjoy relative peace. 
Loonies hang out at Bugman's Brewery or other such establishments.
Munchkins follow everyone around asking "can I come too" and "are we there yet?"

Favorite Words in Warhammer:

Real Roleplayers Book of Grudges
Loonies Squig or Goblobba
Munchkins Forbidden Rod

Favorite Place to Game:

Real Men "You name the time and place, then prepare to die."
Real Roleplayers like to game on their painstakingly crafted gaming table complete with appropriately scaled and modeled terrain and weather conditions.
Loonies like to use actual historical fields of battle to game on, they just tend to lose a lot of miniatures in the fields that way, oh, and the games take forever!
Munchkins have to go to the local gaming store to play, since there are occasionally new players there who don't know their methods.

Favorite Snack to Munch on Whilst Gaming:

Real Men eat raw meat and drink flagons of ale.
Real Roleplayers are often too engrossed in the game to eat...or drink...or sleep!
Loonies eat lead filings and drink from the paint cleaning cup.
Munchkins smear cheeto dust on everything and spill their soda.

Army Lists (in no particular order)


Real Men Lots of Skeles.
Real Roleplayers Zombies.
Loonies Full scale carrion. (so the ghosts on top don't look so tiny!)
Munchkins Vampire Lords with select magical equipment.

Orcs & Goblins:

Real Men Black Orcs or Big'uns.
Real Roleplayers Savage Orcs with Forest Goblins.
Loonies An all squig-hopper and snotling army.
Munchkins Units of giants complete with standard, musician, and 3 rank bonus.


Real Men Clansmen and Ironbreakers.
Real Roleplayers Bugman's Rangers and Dwarven Miners.
Loonies Those Intoxicated Dwarves.
Munchkins Invisible Gyrocopter-mounted Organ "Cannons".


Real Men Sauruses.
Real Roleplayers Anything as long as it is from the same spawning.
Loonies Real Salamanders and Frogs.
Munchkins avoid everything with mouths larger than their heads.

Wood Elves:

Real Men Tree-men.
Real Roleplayers Wardancers.
Loonies Warsinganddanceandclapandshouters.
Munchkins A couple Orion's.


Real Men Strictly Khorne.
Real Roleplayers Beastmen.
Loonies enjoy Khorne on the Cob. (boo!)
Munchkins Use their converted bloodthirster/chaos lord models.

Chaos Dwarves:

Real Men Bull Centaurs. 
Real Roleplayers Blunderbusses. (sp?)
Loonies Any, they all have those funny hats!
Munchkins Earthshakers.


Real Men Plague Monks or Stormvermin.
Real Roleplayers Grey Seers on Screaming Bells.
Loonies Warpfire detonators errrr, throwers.
Munchkins the council of 13.

Dark Elves:

Real Men Executioners.
Real Roleplayers play with witch elves, but not for very long.
Loonies unmounted cold ones, they also sip tea from the cauldron.
Munchkins 50 point repeaters, they would play with more, but they are too busy complaining about the lack of models.

High Elves:

Real Men White Lions of Chrace. (the only manly unit in the entire army)
Real Roleplayers Reaver Knights.
Loonies use ancient phoenix kings, "watch as I make the model "reborn" in true fiery phoenix fashion!"
Munchkins Dragon Princes with their "proper" mounts.


Real Men Knights.
Real Roleplayers Knights.
Loonies Ka-niggits.
Munchkins Knights.(what else is there?)


Real Men Knights. (no this is not a continuation of the Brets!)
Real Roleplayers Hockland Longrifles and War-wagons.
Loonies join in the fun of the flagellants.
Munchkins Steam Tanks, lots of 'em.


World Of Darkness

Favorite Vampire Clan:

Real Men play Brujah, Gangrel, and Assamites 
Real Roleplayers play Malkavians, Nosferatu, and Giovanni 
Loonies play "the Count" 
Munchkins play Werewolves 

Favorite Weapon:

Real Men use silver bullets and ashwood stakes 
Real Roleplayers convince other vampires to kill their enemies for them 
Loonies use silver stakes and ashwood bullets 
Munchkins play Werewolves 


Real Men try to destroy Vampire Hunters as messily as possible 
Real Roleplayers try to become Prince 
Loonies try to Blood Bond Caine 
Munchkins play Werewolves 

Favorite Werewolf Tribe:

Real Men play Get of Fenris or Red Talons 
Real Roleplayers play Bone Gnawers and Wendigos 
Loonies run around and howl in other players' ears 
Munchkins play Were...oh yeah, they ARE Werewolves... 

Favorite Disciplines:

Real Men have Protean, Celerity, and Fortitude 
Real Roleplayers have Obfuscate, Presence, and Auspex 
Loonies have Nec-romance, Forty-two'd, and Numberate 
Munchkins have them all at level 10 

Favorite Werewolf Gift:

Real Men like strenght of thor 
Real Roleplayers like the falling touch and sense wyrm 
Loonies are gifted with stupidity 
Munchkins start with a werewolf rank 6 and have them all