How do you know when a geologist is about to say something intelligent?

When he starts his sentence with, "An engineer once told me..."

An engineer, a landman and a geologist got together at a convention and were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.  The landman says: "For sure, a mistress is better.  If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."  The engineer says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and she can be good for your Management career ladder."  The geologist says: "You're both half right.  It's best to have a wife and a mistress, so that when the wife thinks you're with your mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can go out and look at some rocks."

One day a farmer hears a knock at his door.  On his front doorstep stands a well dressed man from the city.  "Hello Sir, may I inquire if that charming cottage next door belongs to you?".

"What?  Where?"  asks the confused farmer.

"There!"  the man points at the old outhouse the famer hadn't used for 6 months, since he got indoor plumbing.

"That's my ol' outhouse!" the farmer exclaims.

"How much are you willing to sell it for?" the man asks.

"It's not exactly fer sale..." the farmer begins.

"Okay, then how much a month to rent it?" the man asks.

"Hmm...  How does about 50 bucks a month sound?" replies the farmer.

"DEAL!" then the man gives the farmer two months rents and jumps into his BMW and drives off.

"Crazy city folk!" the farmer replies, and goes back to his chores.

Later that day the man comes out and puts siding on the outhouse, plants grass seed for a lawn, wall papers it, and hangs an TV antenna on the roof!

A month passes and the farmer heads out to his former outhouse to collect the rent.  He notices the nice white picket fence around a well kept lawn, and a second TV antenna on the roof.

The farmer knocks at the door and is greeted by the man from the city.  "Oh hello, you're here for the rent." he says.

"Uh, you mind telling me why ya got two TV antennas on the roof?" the farmer asks.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind," the man replies.   "Last week, I subleased my basement for half my rent to my brother-in-law the geologist."

A Geologist and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane.  The Geologist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game.  The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.  The Geologist persists and explains that it's a real easy game.  He explains, "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.  Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5."  Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Geologist, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!"  Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game.  The Geologist asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"  The Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Geologist $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn.  He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"  The Geologist looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop workstation, looks through all his references, surfs the Web, and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50.  The Engineer politely takes the $50, turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Geologist, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?"  Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Geologist, turns away and returns to sleep.

Three engineers and three geologists were traveling by train to an oil producers conference.  At the station, the geologists bought three tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.  "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" a geologist asked.  "Watch and you'll see," said an engineer.  They all boarded the train.  The geologists took their seats, but the engineers crammed into a restroom.  After the train departed, the conductor came by to collect the tickets.  He knocked on the restroom door and said "Ticket please!"  The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket.  The conductor punched it and moved on.  The geologists saw this and thought it was great.  On the way back home, the geologists, being clever, bought a single home to save money.  To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.  "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed geologist.  "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.  When they all boarded the train, the three geologists crammed into a restroom, and the engineers into another.  Shortly after the train departed, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the geologists restroom.  He knocked on the door and said "Ticket please."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Geologist fresh out of LSU,  "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Geologist, remembering the Angela Hill news story the previous week, said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Geologist sat up straight and said, "Wow!!!  Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ... but you started it."