The Cyberlounge Collection of Words to Live By


Robert Fulghum

Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
learn some and think some and draw some
and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world,
watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:
The roots go down and the plant goes up
and nobody really knows how or why,
but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice
and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup
- they all die.
So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books
and the first word you learned
- the biggest word of all - LOOK.

The Storyteller's Creed

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.
That myth is more potent than history.
That dreams are more powerful than facts.
That hope always triumphs over experience.
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.



Rites of Passage

Rituals and rites of passage often take place where words cannot go - in a solitary, secret inner kingdom where just knowing is enough. We experience and understand changes we cannot articulate. And need not. Which is why we often say at crucial times in life, "I don't know what to say," or "I just can't tell you how much I..." and "Words fail me." Human language -our metaphors and analogies and rational expressions- often are a poor substitute for the most profound level of knowledge. The rituals of renewal and revival regularly take place in silence.

Wordiness often ruins public rituals. The verbal waterfall drowns the private sounds in the minds of those in attendance. It is not true that if we get all the words just right, the occasion will be right. A successful rite of passage must leave room for eloquence of silence.

Silence is always part of great music.

Silence is always part of great art.

Silence is always part of great life.



Guide to Parenting

  1. Children are not pets.
  2. The life they actually live and the life you perceive them to be living is not the same life.
  3. Don't take what your children do too personally.
  4. Don't keep scorecards on them -a short memory is useful.
  5. Dirt and mess are a breeding ground for well-being.
  6. Stay out of their rooms after puberty.
  7. Stay out of their friendships and love-life unless invited.
  8. Don't worry that they never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
  9. Learn from them; they have much to teach you.
  10. Love them long; let them go early.


Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Relax

What does it mean to relax? Despite hearing this term thousands of times during the course of our lives, very few people have deeply considered what it's really about.

When you ask people (which I have done many times) what it means to relax, most will answer in a way that suggests that relaxing is something you plan to do later -- you do it on vacations, in a hammock, when you retire, or when you get everything done. This implies, of course, that most other times (the other 95 percent of your life) should be spent nervous, agitated, rushed and frenzied. Very few actually come out and say so, but this is the obvious implication. Could this explain why so many of us operate as if life were one great big emergency? Most of us postpone relaxation until our "in basket" is empty. Of course it never is.

It's useful to think of relaxation as a quality of heart that you can access on a regular basis rather than something reserved for some later time. You can relax now. It's helpful to remember that relaxed people can still be superachievers and, in fact, that relaxation and creativity go hand in hand. When I'm feeling uptight, for example, I don't ever try to write. But when I feel relaxed, my writing flows quickly and easily.

Being more relaxed involves training yourself to respond differently to the drama of life -- turning your melodrama into a mellow-drama. It comes, in part, from reminding yourself over and over again (with loving kindness and patience) that you have a choice in how you respond to life. You can learn to relate to your thinking as well as your circumstances in new ways. With practice, making these choices will translate into a more relaxed self.


Choose Your Battles Wisely

"Choose your battles wisely" is a popular phrase in parenting but is equally important in living a contented life. It suggests that life is filled with opportunities to choose between making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, realizing it doesn't really matter. If you choose your battles wisely, you'll be far more effective in winning those that are truly important.

Certainly there will be times when you will want or need to argue, confront, or even fight for something you believe in. Many people, however, argue, confront, and fight over practically anything, turning their lives into a series of battles over relatively "small stuff." There is so much frustration in living this type of life that you lose track of what is truly relevant.

The tiniest disagreement or glitch in your plans can be made into a big deal if your goal (conscious or unconscious) is to have everything work out in your favor. In my book, this is nothing more than a prescription for unhappiness and frustration.

The truth is, life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be, and other people often don't act as we would like them to. Moment to moment, there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don't. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don't work out. If you fight against this principle of life, you'll spend most of your life fighting battles.

A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. If your primary goal isn't to have everything work out perfectly but instead to live a relatively stress-free life, you'll find that most battles pull you away from your most tranquil feelings. Is it really important that you prove to your spouse that you are right and she is wrong, or that you confront someone because it appears as though he or she has made a minor mistake? Does your preference of which restaurant or movie to go to matter enough to argue over it? Does a small scratch on your car really warrant a suit in small claims court? Does the fact that your neighbor won't park his car on a different part of the street have to be discussed at your family dinner table? These and thousands of other small things are what many people spend their lives fighting about. Take a look at your own life. If it's like mine used to be, you might want to reevaluate your priorities.

If you don't want to "sweat the small stuff," it's critical that you choose your battles wisely. If you do, there will come a day when you'll rarely feel the need to do battle at all.




Wayne Dyer, Ph.D.

Staying On The Path

You can never get enough of what you don’t want.

The secret of abundance is to stop focusing on what you do not have, and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you are and all that you do have.

The measure of your life will not be in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.

I cannot always control what goes on outside, but I can always control what goes on inside.

Every problem you have you experience in your mind. The solution to the problem is in the same place.

You control your emotions, so you do not have to explode with anger whenever someone else decides to behave in angry ways.

Those who seem to cause you the most anguish are those who remind you of what you believe is either lacking or wanting in yourself.

Arguing is really saying, "If you were really more like me, then I could like you better."

If you expect to be upset, then you will seldom disappoint yourself.

You’re always alone, but you’re only lonely if you don’t like the person you’re alone with.

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.

Your reputation is in the hands of others. That’s what a reputation is. You can’t control that. The only thing you can control is your character.

You must come in contact with the empty space that lies within, not the form that encapsulates it.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are.

If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.

The past is over for all of us. The future is promised to none of us. All we get is this one. That’s all we get.



Be Happy Where You Are

Sadly, many of us continually postpone our happiness - indefinitely. It's not that we consciously set out to do so, but that we keep convincing ourselves, "Someday, I'll be happy." We tell ourselves we'll be happy when our bills are paid, when we get out of school, get our first job, a promotion, We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough - we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. And on and on and on!

Meanwhile, life keeps moving forward. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If now now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D' Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.


Fill Your Life with Love

I don't know anyone who doesn't want a life filled with love. In order for this to happen, the effort must start within us. Rather than waiting for other people to provide the love we desire, we must be a vision and a source of love. We must tap into our own loving-kindness in order to set an example for others to follow suit.

It has been said that "the shortest distance between two points is an intention." This is certainly true with regard to a life filled with love. The starting point or foundation of a life filled with love is the desire and commitment to be a source of love. Our attitude, choices, acts of kindness, and willingness to be the first to reach out will take us toward this goal.

The next time you find yourself frustrated at the lack of love in your own life or at the lack of love in the world, try an experiment. Forget about the world and other people for a few minutes. Instead, look into your heart. Can you become a source of greater love? Can you think loving thoughts for yourself and others. Can you extend these loving thoughts outward toward the rest of the world - even to people whom you feel don't deserve it?

By opening your heart to the possibility of greater love, and by making yourself a source of love (rather than getting love) as a top priority, you will be taking an important step in getting the love you desire. You'll also discover something truly remarkable. The more love you give, the more you will receive. As you put more emphasis on being a loving person, which is something you can control -- and less emphasis on receiving love, which is something you can't control -- you'll find that you have plenty of love in your life. Soon, you'll discover one of the greatest secrets in the world: Love is its own reward.



Anonymous

Lessons Life Has Taught Me

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that true friendships continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that there are so many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that the people you care most in life are taken from you soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses the value when overly used.

I've learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I have a lot to learn.



THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG...

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout ... run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.



INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Memorize your favorite poem.

Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

When you say, "I love you", mean it.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Believe in love at first sight.

Never laugh at anyone's dreams.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

Don't judge people by their relatives.

Talk slowly but think quickly.

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Call your mum.

Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

Spend some time alone.

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Read more books and watch less TV.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.

Trust in God but lock your car.

A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

Read between the lines.

Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.

Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

Mind your own business.

Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.

Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

Learn the rules then break some.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Remember that your character is your destiny.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.




General Principles To Live By


Tell the truth. Honesty really is the best policy.

Perfect your ability to love. It's the most powerful force in the world.

Pay attention to two-year-olds and puppies. They know what's important.

Look at sunsets; smell the flowers; listen to the birds; touch the people you care about; taste life.

Everything you need is there for you.

Take responsibility for meeting your own needs, but don't do it in ways that keep others from meeting theirs.

Forgive yourself and others. We're all doing the best we can to find our way.

Live by your own values. Others may think they know best for you, but you're the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions.

Listen to your body and take care of it. It's the best teacher you have now.

Laugh often and long. It really does help. Hang out with people you like and admire. We tend to imitate those around us whether we want to or not.

Follow your dream. Life is exciting when you're pursuing your own goals and you can do and have most anything you really want.

Learn from your failures and don't be afraid to fail often.

Life isn't fair, but it isn't unfair either. When things don't seem to be working for you, do something. Movement is the key to change and life itself.

Be nice to prunes. You may be one someday.




Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours.



THE PRESENT

In a university commencement address several years ago, Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises, spoke of the relation of work to one's other commitments:

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four balls, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

HOW?

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and............. TODAY IS A GIFT THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT THAT!


Ayn Rand in Atlas Shrugged

The Best Within You

In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are at its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it's yours.



Oriah Mountain Dreamer

The Invitation


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.


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