FOR OTHERS -------------------- November, 2004 I am opening myself up for your judgement with the hope that you can do better than me while I too try to improve how I can deal with these types of situations. Let me know if you have some suggestions to the questions: - what would you have done? - what would Jesus do? This is not just doing something good towards our family, relatives and friends. I'm talking about doing something for strangers you come across in the streets and others who are in need. At one of my 5th religious education class, our lesson started with checking our sensitivity to the needs of other people. While looking at some pictures, I asked my students what they thought was going on with the people on the pictures. A picture showed a malnourished (skin & bones) boy, and another showed a mom and a kid were hanging out in their car with a lot of household stuff laying around them. They were correct in saying, that the malnourished boy needed food to eat and the mother and child either got thrown out of their home or they ran away from home for many possible reasons, e.g. abuse, lack of money to pay, etc., basically they look like they needed some place to stay other than living in their car. These photos triggered some old and not too recent memories about my own actual encounters with different people from different walks of life. I briefly narrated some of them to my students, to show some similarities to the situations in the photos and also to share my feelings of sorrow for a lot of "missed chances" to really help others out. Not all these anecdotes are "misses". The first few are "hits" where I think, I was able to provide to the needs of others. You be the judge. 1) Catholic high school - the religious order of the nuns who administered my school is Daughters of Charity (D.C.) and our school's patron saint is St. Vincent de Paul (patron to charitable causes). So, every October, Mission Month, we did many "hands-on" activities like: visiting and entertaining the old at the "home of the aged" (what they call nursing home here or "assisted living"); bringing gifts to, praying, playing with the poor at some squatter areas in Manila. The cause of many squatters/slums in Manila are people coming to the city from the provinces, thinking they can readily find good livelihood and home but alas, they end up like most of them, setting up "cardboard houses" on the "public places" such as edges of rivers, edges of train tracks, etc. and they stay there for as long as the government does not drive them away. I remember coming in groups with classmates in our school uniform to some of those "squatter areas"; I remember seeing what seemed almost like cardboard houses, some made out of wooden planks; I remember treading those wooden planks setup as "bridges" to cross over some river from one house to another. I remember sitting next to the kids and handing out some donated clothings, toys, canned goods and other gifts to them, while we sat to what could be a 3' x 4' "living area" - that's about all there was and I have no clue where they sleep and how big that area is. We had some good clean fun with the kids anyway; they enjoyed our company and it was heartwarming to be part of helping and being there with them even for just a couple of hours as we move from one house to the next. 2) I had an "on and off" bestfriend since gradeschool through high school who lost her father very early on and so nobody could support them except her elder sister who was a teacher. She is a cool and good person to have as a friend. They live right next to our private school. Our school is surrounded by tall concrete walls, with tall gates upfront. These walls are what separate our school from the "real world" of Manila's impoverish spots, from the busy, bottle-neck traffic outside. I just want to share my awe about my friend's home - the indoor ground floor was literally on soil ground, there is no cemented pavement or tiles. When you enter the front door, you step into the soil on the ground floor. Just plain soil, indoor, that's where their living room and kitchen were. Then upstairs are the bedrooms. In my very young mind, free of biases or prejudices, I never questioned my friend's financial needs, considering her family could afford to keep her in private school. But I had wondered before if my school, being a place for charitable missions, gave some "exceptions" or "discounts" perhaps to some people with special needs and situations. I think her father did some work in our chapel or somewhere in the college and so the nuns sort of were returning the "favor". I did not insult her whatsoever, or pity her by giving her "stuff". We just behaved like regular kids with no qualms about what each of our family's economic status or class are or how they differ from each other. No matter what, we were best friends - played, laughed, studied, etc. together. 3) Do I have the gift of healing ever since I was a kid? When I was barely a teenager, a paternal uncle got hospitalized. In my very young mind, my understanding was, he was depressed and suicidal, did not want to eat or drink and just wanted to die. So my family and I came for a visit at the hospital. Now as a kid, I really did not want to meddle with adults. Like I told some of you before, I was born almost 20 years after my 3 siblings who were born 1 year apart from each other. So when I was still a baby, my brothers and sister were already adults, going about their own businesses and lives. I was really quiet amidst adults and I pick and chose those I would like to talk with. Anyway, at the hospital, I went to my uncle's room by myself. I saw him in what seemed like fetal position under the sheet - he covered himself up with the bedcovers because he did not want to talk with anybody. With just an adult cousin (his son) next to the bed, I don't know what came over me but I started talking to my uncle. I started to tell him to not lose hope in life (remember, I was just a kid then), and that his kids need him so much to be well - that he needed to eat and drink in order to feel better; that there are other people who have worst problems than him and he should never give up hope in life. That's it. Ever since then, my uncle got better and went back to normal eating and living, going back to work and taking care of his family. I really don't know if I helped him in some way because who was I to talk to him that way, when I was just a young kid myself. I don't know if I embarassed him for seeing him in such a vulnerable situation, in fetal position and cowering under the bedcovers. After many years of normal living, my uncle eventually had a stroke and passed away. I would like to think that I made life worthwhile for him for many years since that situation at the hospital. I pray to God I did and may his soul rest in everlasting peace. The following are some "missed chances" to help: 4) A few weeks ago, right before All Saints and all souls days, my neighbor told me a breaking news that her mother passed away. What's really sad about her death is the cause - dehydration and hunger. You see, this family used to live right next to my place. The mother was an amputee, who was always in the wheelchair. The elderly father and mother used to sit right outside my door, in the second floor, at the porch and just watch over the courtyard, where kids play and make a lot of noises. I was happy to see them parked outside my door occasionally when I get in or out of my door. I really wanted to talk with them longer but they only speak Spanish and my Spanish is very rusty. So basically, I really could not communicate well with them, especially the mom. All we exchange with each other are "Ola" , "Como esta?", "Muy bien", "gracias", very few. A lot of times, the mom talked to me a lot and I just listened but I felt bad because I could not understand her. I would like to think that I entertained them when they hear me play the piano which I have not done for a long while now. More than a year ago, I did not see them outside my porch anymore. I felt sad thinking they had left and I did not get to say good-bye. However, I saw them again when I was passing by one of the buildings where I live. It so happen, they moved to another building and are now situated in the 1st level. The daughter, who speaks English, told me that this is more convenient for her mother to be carried out to go for hospital visits because it is in the ground floor. However, she told me her mom's health got worst - she told me she had diabetis, her kidneys and liver are failing and she had difficulty getting fluids out of her body. There was no point in transplant because she was very old and weak. The "move" added to the problem because she got confused and depressed and did not understand why they had to move places. Sadly, when I passed by and see them, she did not remember me anymore because she also contracted alzheimer's. Before the move, she was always smiling at me and talking to me in Spanish whenever she saw me. Her daughter told me that she did not want to eat anymore. She kept her mouth closed when they tried to feed her and she would not drink either. I felt so much for her because she probably was in so much pain inside that she did not want food or drink passing through her body. I felt she, like my uncle, also lost hope in life; and did not want to continue living. I have wondered if only I spoke and understood Spanish well, if I could have talked her back to hope just as how I did for my uncle as a child. I asked God what is the point of having a gift if I don't put it to good use? I also wondered would this happen if they did not move and just stayed there next door to me and so we could see each other more often? Would it help if she heard more of my piano playing to cheer her up? Afterall, even though we could not communicate well through talking, music is a universal way to communicate something good. I'm sure her whole family, her husband, tried all they could to perk her up. A lot of people are in such depressive situations that we can only imagine but really never know how they feel. Nevertheless, that was one missed chance to help someone. 5) Since I was born and grew up in the city of Manila, I am used to public commute, through public buses and jeepneys. One sunny day, I was waiting for a jeepney at one of Manila's busy streets, a woman with a child came next to me and asked me for money to make in order for her and her child to get back home. Now, ironically, even though at Catholic schools I went to, we were told to give to the poor which we really did, especially in October's mission month, we were forewarned to not just give to beggars, especially if it will encourage them to take advantage of others and become lazy. Afterall, God helps those who help themselves. Anyway, this lady with her child tagging along next to her held up a hand in front of me to beg for some money so they could travel back home. They were in decent, clean clothes so I assumed they are not really that needy. At the back of my mind, my conscience told me this could be a racket. You know, one of those "modus operandi" amongs beggers and "beggar- pushers" in Manila and I decided I would not fall for it. So I told them, I only had enough money to go home myself and so did not give them any. At another time, along those streets nearby, another beggar asked me for money for food. Now these are really needy people in dirty clothes. At that time, I was also hungry and had no food with me. I'd rather give them food than money so I did not give money again. What would you have done? 6) Here in the US, several years ago, while driving early morning and at a stop light, I saw this big guy, who looked healthy and fit, very tall but he held up a cardboard sign in front of him that says - need money for food. At that time, I wanted to help but I was scared for myself because I am a petite lady and I was afraid he might harm me because he was a big person. Besides, he looked physically health and fit to get a job so why didn't he, instead of begging? When I told my students about him, looking back at that time, when I gave all those rationalizations to not help out and give to the needy, I now realized there might be another side to his story --- even though he may be physically fit, what if he is not emotionally or mentally fit to hold a job? Maybe he had some psychological problems or such that he was not able to function as normal people can. You know? how my uncle was depressed and how my neighbor's mother did not want to eat or drink and wanted to die? 7) Similarly, in the holidays last year, at a different stop light again, there was a woman who also looked fit and healthy, had a sign in front of her that says, need money for food to feed child. Now, this time, since it was a woman, I was not so afraid she might harm me I thought of giving her something and also a phone number of a place that she could reach for more help and support. But the light turned green, I did not want to cause traffic as I was hurried fumbling through my purse for pen and paper and phone number and some change. After an hour and completing my errands, I decided to come back to that corner and help her this time but it was too late, she was gone. --- Those are some of the stories where I think I helped someone but regretfully, sometimes I failed. I feel guilty that God will be judging me about this (remember Matthew 25) and besides, I do want to get back to actual "hands on" experience in helping out the needy, just like how we did it in high school, through my Catholic school. To me, giving to food pantry or handing out money to our church's collection basket is not enough; it seems too easy. I think it is best to have actual "hands-on" experience because God is in other people and we can serve Jesus through those people in need. I really want to be part of those "mission month" situations. I pray to God that next time around, I don't let fear for myself being harmed or prejudices like "beggar pusher modus operandi", or "he is bigger than me, why don't he get a job to earn a living?" come in the way of really doing the Christian way - "corporal/spiritual works of mercy" - to help and console others who are in need, regardless if they are tricking me or they are actual chances for me to do the right/moral thing. I hope in these holidays, while we get busy buying for family and friends who really do not need much, we remember to do something for someone else especially those who are in need, whether financially, emotionally, spiritually and more.