Mystery Arcadia Theater 3000 - The Field Trip MiST by Anthony Bault Legal: Mario, Link, and related characters are (c) Nintendo Megaman and related characters are (c) Capcom Sonic and related characters are (c) Sega Mystery Science Theater and related references are (c) Best Brains, Inc. Star Trek and related references are (c) Paramount and Desilu Gamemaster Anthony Bault is (c) Anthony Bault (duh!) Original story by Stephen Ratliff Forward: I don't believe it...THE MAN has made it to FanFiction.net! I'm referring to Stephen Ratliff, one of the best known names in fan-fiction. His Marrissa Stories, based on the character Marrissa Flores from the ST-TNG episode "Disaster", are known throughout the fanfiction community. They are also well known for being the frequent targets of MiSTings, as anyone on Web Site 9 (http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml) can tell you. I thought to myself...what better way to welcome Mr. Ratliff to our little community than to have one of his works MiSTed here on FF.net...you know, just to give him some familiarity. (NOTE: You'll need to read my self-insertion fanfic, Heroes of Arcadia - The Gamemaster's Legacy, to understand some of the host segments and jokes.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Turn down your lights where applicable. There's enough light coming from the shattered fourth wall as it is...] In the not too distant future Somewhere in cyberspace There was a fic writer named Anthony Who wrote himself in a different place He put himself in the games he knew and loved Arcadia was what it was called But the fics of his world made the heroes rant So he came up with a way to make them all vent "Come...with...me..." "I'll show them cheesy fanfics The worst, I can find. (La la la!) I have them read and riff them all To get the anger off their minds." (La la la!) Now keep in mind Anthony can't control when the cheesiness will end. But, hopefully it will provide some relief for his Arcadian firends. HERO ROLL CALL: MARIO (It's a me!) SONIC (Way past cool!) MEGAMAN (The Blue Bomber!) LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK! (Hero of Time!) If you're wondering how the fourth wall broke, and other similar facts. (La la la!) Just repeat to yourself it's just a fic, so log in and just relax! For Mystery Arcadia Theater 3000! *guitar twang* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Computer room in the palace in Mobotropolis. Several well known characters are viewing an Earth site called FanFiction.net, and aren't looking too pleased. Anthony comes in a little later.] ANTHONY: Hey guys, what's up? SONIC: Man! What is WITH these authors? ANTHONY: Huh? MEGAMAN: We're reading these "fan-fictions" based on us. It seems like they don't respect us! LINK: Tell me about it! I mean...pairing me with that Malon character? MARIO: ...having me have a heart attack after saving the Princess because of my weight? KNUCKLES: Not to mention the yaoi fics pairing me and Sonic! SONIC: WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!? [turns green then runs out of the room, a toilet flush can be heard later] KNUCKLES: My feelings exactly. AMY: He kinda looked like Manic there for a moment... ANTHONY: [after Sonic returns] Guys...they aren't disrespecting you in any way. They're just having fun putting you guys in weird situations. It's called "satire". Besides, there are a lot of fics here where you guys were put in some pretty awesome adventures in my view! LUIGI: Just a for fun, eh? ANTHONY: Yeah...but if you want to vent, there is a way you can do that. Do you know what "MiSTing" is? TAILS: I know that! It's where you make fun of a movie, song, or fanfic in the style of that "Mystery Science Theater 3000" show you showed us! ANTHONY: Right! Why don't we do that to relieve some that angst you all have right now? I even have the perfect fic to MiST! SONIC: Not "A Sorcerer, A Demon, and Emeralds" is it? [shuddering] ANTHONY: You'll see... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Movie theater room in the palace. Nicole is setting up something to the screen as Mario, Luigi, Peach, Link, Zelda, Megaman, Roll, Protoman, Bass, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Anthony come in and find seats.] NICOLE: Everything is set, Gamemaster. Each of your seats has a switch that will stop the text scrolling and allow you to insert your "riffs". ANTHONY: Thanks Nicole. PROTOMAN: ...or should we call you "Magic Voice"? NICOLE: [ignoring Protoman] PROTOMAN: Oooooookay... BASS: Well, let's get this started. Because... ALL: IT'S FANFIC SIGN!!! >Title: The Field Trip >Author: Stephen Ratliff (sratliff@runet.edu) ALL BUT ANTHONY: RATLIFF?!?!?!? MARIO: We're going to read a THIS?!? MEGAMAN: [as C-3PO] We're doomed... >Series: TNG, Marrissa Stories >Part: REP 1/1 >Version: 1.40 ANTHONY: Odd...the Web Site Nine version was 2.0. PROTOMAN: An earlier version...with the chance of cheesier dialogue. We are DEFINITELY doomed! >Revision Status: >Complete: Prologue, Chapters 1-2 PEACH: So it's unfinished as well? SONIC: C'mon, we're WAAAAAAITING! LINK: You WANT him to finish? >This is a work of fiction, any relation to real people, events, or places are a product of the >author's imagination. AMY: Aw man... ZELDA: What's wrong? AMY: I actually WANTED there to be a young girl in charge somewhere... [everyone gives Amy a strange look] >Disclaimer: >Star Trek and its environment, and inhabitants are property of the great and powerful Paramount. BASS: [in a booming voice] I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL PARAMOUNT! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT DESILU BEHIND THE CURTAIN!! ANTHONY: FOUL! That joke's from the Web Site 9 MiSTing! BASS: Aw...dammit... >The lowly author is merely borrowing them between episodes an seasons. He hopes to return them >all the better for their journey. The story is his. ALL: And he can keep it! >Prologue KNUCKLES: I'm actually anti-logue, but that's just my opinion... LUIGI: I'm kinda split down a the middle... >Personal Log >Marrissa A. Flores SONIC: MAN, that looks weird without the name Picard and all the titles! ANTHONY: This takes before the days of her conquests, Sonic. MARIO: So we're going to a see the Ratliff babies? Great... >STARDATE 45924 ANTHONY: OK, check your raffle tickets! We're looking for number 45924! TAILS: I WON! I WON! AMY: Aw...I wanted to win... >My mom suggested that I start keeping this log as a way to express my hopes and dreams ZELDA: [singing like Madonna] Express yourself... >and to record my day like I use to tell her. MEGAMAN: She uses a log to talk to her mother? PEACH: She must be a mute. KNUCKLES: We could only be so lucky... >Mom's been too busy since Lieutenant Worf put her in charge of new officer orientation. ROLL: [as Marrissa] At least that's what she calls it, but it's actually hazing! ANTHONY: Roll...it's kind of frightening to hear you do Marrissa since you LOOK like her... ROLL: WHAT?!?!?!? NICOLE: [shows a holographic picture of Marrissa from Ratliff's site] ALL BUT ROLL: [look at picture then at Roll] SONIC: Whoa... LINK: Okay...THAT'S frightening... ROLL: That's it...I'm asking Dr. Light to make me a brunette. >I think I should begin with who I am. MARIO: Since a we need some exposition. >I'm ten years old and I live on the starship Enterprise. I'm an A-B student for the most part. PROTOMAN: Is that her grade or her blood type? >My only problem in school is Alien Language. AMY: [as Marrissa] Since when am I going to use "Nanoo Nanoo" and "Shazbot" in conversation? >I just can't grasp them. BASS: No surprise since words are non-tangible... >I like school on the Enterprise, with one exception. ANTHONY: No cute boys in her class I bet. >It's not the subject matter, nor the teacher (although my classmates say that Lieutenant Allen >was Dead on Arrival), SONIC: A dead guy as the teacher... Hey! Maybe he's their biology dissecting experiment! OTHERS: Ewwwwwww.... >but the other students in Computing Fundamentals. Comp Fun is generally taught on an interest >basis to eight year olds, LINK: ...until they realize they aren't going to learn about video games. LUIGI: ...or how a to become Bill Gates. >but their wasn't enough interest in the past two years, so I had to wait. ANTHONY: Well, when you take money out of your account like you've been doing, of COURSE you're going to earn less interest! MARIO: She should've invested in a index funds. >My problem with my classmates is they don't seem to want to learn. Jay and Alexander are always >getting caught playing video games in class. PEACH: Super Mario Brothers! ZELDA: The Legend of...me! PROTOMAN: Megaman X 25! KNUCKLES: Sonic the Hedgehog! SONIC: What? KNUCKLES: I was just saying your game. SONIC: Oh... ANTHONY: Actually, knowing those two, it was probably Half-Life. TAILS: [as Alexander] But, I don't want to be a warrior! BASS: [shuddering] That impersonation was almost TOO perfect, Tails! >Shayna plays practical jokes on everyone. At least Clara appears to be studying in class ... >although I don't think it's always Comp Fun. ROLL: [as Marrissa (despite Anthony's observation)] I mean, there aren't THAT many cute boys in the class. AMY: [as Clara looking at a boy] He's so dreamy...he looks like my old boyfriend... PROTOMAN: Okay...stop right there. We DON'T need to make this a Star Trek/Sailor Moon crossover. MEGAMAN: Right, that comes later. MARIO: Don't a remind us! >Tomorrow we're going on a Field Trip to the Daystorm Institute for Computer Science. ANTHONY: Daystorm? Funny...all the storms in my area usually only happen at night... >It's nothing we can't see on the Holo-deck, but Clara at least thinks it will be interesting. ZELDA: I bet that's just Isabella talking. >Close Personal Log. ALL: And flush! LUIGI: Well, THAT was a predictable! >Chapter One >Marrissa was the last to arrive for the field trip. SONIC: Little Miss Perfect is LATE? Oh man, that's TOO funny! >Lieutenant Allen was standing by the shuttle's rear door. "Glad you could make it, Marrissa," >he said. KNUCKLES: [as Lt. Allen] We needed a virgin sacrifice... BASS: *sigh* If only that did happen... >"Please take a seat." >Marrissa took the remaining seat. LINK: [as Allen] Marrissa, I didn't mean for you to take the seat out of the shuttlecraft! OTHERS: [groaning] >As she sat down, a whoopee cushion made it's incriminating sound. ANTHONY: OK, I call no Blood and Metal "I let one" riffs for this one! OTHERS: Awww... >Everyone laughed, and Marrissa glared at Shayna MEGAMAN: You could see the daggers. ROLL: This isn't anime, Mega. LUIGI: Too bad... ZELDA: Not really. Remember that ST/SM crossover we wanted to avoid? >and handed the whoopee cushion to Lt. Allen as he passed TAILS: ...gas. >by. >As he reached the cockpit he turned and said, "Behave on this trip or there won't be any more." ANTHONY: Once they started cheering, he realized just how dull his trips were. >He turned back into the cockpit TAILS: Hey, now THAT'S a neat trick! KNUCKLES: Lt. Allen IS The Amazing Rando! >and sat down in the Co-Pilot seat ... on a whoopee cushion. LINK: Ah...but does that cushion really belong to Whoppi? BASS: Guinan must be loving this... PEACH: [as Guinan] That's what you get for making fun of my hats, Allen! >The Lieutenant looked up at the ceiling and shook his head, while removing the offending item. MARIO: [as Jay] Hey! Putta your pants back on, we got kids here! AMY: [as Marrissa] Hold on! I like what I see! ANTHONY: FOUL! Guys, stop stealing stuff from the Web Site Nine MiSTing! Neylon will have my head! >Ensign Throwaway ALL: [cheering] THROWAWAY! THROWAWAY! PROTOMAN: [smarmy] He's our hero! >entered the shuttle and sat down. [pause] SONIC: What? No whoopee cushion this time? ZELDA: [as Shayna] I KNEW I forgot one! >The rear of the shuttle closed and Lt. Allen said, "Shuttle April to bridge, BASS: [as Allen] The Three Billy Goats Gruff are asking to cross again. >Request permission depart for Archer IV from Shuttle bay Two." MARIO: [as comm officer] That could be difficult since you are in a Shuttle Bay four and are a supposed to be going to Archer II! >"Bridge to Shuttle April," Commander Riker's voice said. ANTHONY: [as Riker] My hair's falling out and I'm gaining weight. Am I pulling a Shatner? PROTOMAN: [as Allen] No because...then...you...would...be......talkinglikethis. >"Permission granted, now relaying departure coordinates." >"Coordinates received," Ensign Throwaway announced. "Shuttle bay doors opening." LINK: [as Dark Helmet] Why are you preparing? You're always preparing! Just go! >"Depart when ready, Bridge out." >"Leaving shuttle bay 2 now, April out," KNUCKLES: Alright, that's two out! We need one more to end the inning. TAILS: [as fan] We want a pitcher! Not a belly itcher! AMY: [as fan] We want a catcher! Not a belly scratcher! ANTHONY: [to group] Alright...who's been taking them to Earth ball games? LUIGI: My bad! I thought they would a like the Yankees! >Lt. Allen said. >The shuttle moved out of the shuttle bay, between the warp engines. It turned right and >slightly up and went in to warp. ZELDA: ...right into the warp nacelle. BASS: [as announcer] Oh the humanity... ANTHONY: FOUL! Guys...QUIT IT! >Personal Log >Marrissa Flores >In route to Archer IV PEACH: Let's see...that would be Link, Zelda, Amy, and St. John since they all use bow like weapons. MEGAMAN: What about my Mega Arrow attack? ANTHONY: Doesn't count... >I really wish Shayna would stop those practical jokes. ROLL: [as Marrissa] She's not going to get the role of Harley Quinn in the next Batman movie this way! >I really hate them. It will probably only happen in my dreams. LINK: Knowing Shayna, she'll probably find a way to pull a prank in her dreams as well. TAILS: Now THAT I'd like to see! >I think my hopes and dreams were the next things I was planing to write about. When I was >little, I use to want to be a Princess. PEACH and ZELDA: [snort] >It is my Dad's nickname for me. BASS: Well, that and... [sees Anthony glaring at him] OK, fine, I WON'T steal anymore from Web Site 9's... ANTHONY: THANK YOU! >Of course you have to be born a Princess, and eventhough my Mom calls Dad her "Prince >Charming," PROTOMAN: So, is her mother Snow White or Cinderella? OTHERS: Hmmm... >I don't think Dad's a Prince. ANTHONY: He doesn't wear purple and he actually has a name instead of some weird symbol. >He's too much of a rough and ready man for that. Princes are supposed to be handsome, always >dashing to the fair maiden's defense. MARIO: Hey! That sound's like a you, Sonic! SONIC: Aw man! How'd I end up in a Ratliff fic?!? >They're supposed to dress well, talk well, and be above petty squabbles. BASS: OK, that's not you Sonic. All you wear is gloves and shoes, you talk in slang a lot of the time, and you're always picking a fight with Knux. SONIC: Well, good, I was...HEY!!! [Knuckles snickers and Sonic glares at him] >Dad isn't. >My teachers think I'd be a good Scientist. PROTOMAN: Not just a scientist, mind you, but a "Scientist"! ANTHONY: FOUL...oh I give up... *sigh* Fine, use whatever riffs you want... OTHERS: THANK YOU! >I probably could be, if I gave up my other activities and devoted a lifetime of study too it. LINK: I would have her devote a lifetime of study too if it kept her out of the captain's position. >I'm not ready to do that yet. I have too much fun going camping, riding horses, and playing the >piano. LUIGI: All of which make appearances in later fics... ROLL: Unfortunately... >Not that science isn't fun, and I've done some fun things as a result of my interest in it. >Like the tour with the Captain. KNUCKLES: ...and Tenille? ZELDA: [singing] Love...will keep us together... >I know a tour given by Captain Picard is not exactly known as a fun event. AMY: [as Marrissa] Considering the fact this IS Picard we're talking about... >He is known for being uncomfortable around children. TAILS: [as Jay] Oh, THAT'S why he was holding a crucifix out in front of me when I passed by! >And the first try at the tour wasn't exactly a success. He was obviously unsure about how to >deal with us, but after my science project hit, MARIO: ...it flew out of the field into a the stands for a HOME RUN!!! TAILS and AMY: [singing] We're gonna win Twins...We're gonna score... ANTHONY: O.O The HELL?!? When did you...? Luigi, you didn't take them to THAT Twins-Yankees game, did you? The one where people were chucking things at Knoblach? LUIGI: No, I took them to the game onna my version of Earth. ANTHONY: Whew... >he got the idea to make us officers. MEGAMAN: It was PICARD'S idea?!? BASS: Hey Jean-Luc! Come here so I can smack you for causing the heat death of the universe! >This gave him a role that he knew how to deal with us though. KNUCKLES: [as an exasperated Jean-Luc] ...and I've had to deal with them ever since. *sigh* >I'd say that he learnt quite a bit by the time the second time the tour was attempted. ROLL: [as Marrissa] He's now putty in our hands kids. BWAHAHA! [others edge away from Roll] ANTHONY: Roll, I beg you...DON'T do Marrissa again! You look too much like her! >We visited the Battle Bridge, the Torpedo Bay, PROTOMAN: [as Picard] ...and this where we keep the things that blow stuff up! OTHERS: [as kids] Cooooool! >and he even had Commander La Forge show us the dilithium crystals. LINK: [seeing dilithium crystals] This ship's run on silver rupees? No wonder they're so valuable... >But for me the highlight was the visit to Stellar Cartography. SONIC: My god, it's full of stars! OTHERS: *groan* LUIGI: Like we needed THAT ref... >While working on my science project, "Distribution and Movement of Quantum Filaments," AMY: Huh? TAILS: Distribution of...wha? MARIO: Even my COLLEGE never had a class like a that! ANTHONY: Ladies and gentlemen...a ten year old A-B student. >I had used many 3-D projections of the location of the known Filaments. However none of them >where like Stellar Cartography. That display made mine look like preschool scribble. PEACH: [as Marrissa] Oh, who am I kidding! Mine WAS preschool scribble! ZELDA: [as Marrissa] ...and yet the teacher bought it! [under breath] Moron! >The shuttlecraft shook, jolting Marrissa out of her writing. Over the speaker came the >announcement, "Heave to and prepare to be boarded." [all go 'ar' like pirates] >The recording was filled with static and sounded old, almost as if the broadcaster had recorded >it from an old Earth pirate movie. ANTHONY: And then it went on to say "And I be not afraid of ye Blind Pew" and things just got confusing from there... BASS: NOW who's stealing from Web Site 9? ANTHONY: Oh, bite me! >Lieutenant Allen took the shuttle out of warp, diving into a nearby planetary system. KNUCKLES: ...and he does a beautiful jackknife with a half gainer. He's looking for no splash, and nails it well! >There was no time to send a distress signal, as the red stylized batwing vessel pursued. [all speak at once] ANTHONY: HOLD IT! Were we all trying to do a Batman ref? OTHERS: Yes! ANTHONY: Let's mark it done and move on. OTHERS: Okay... >His co-pilot struggled to keep the necessary systems working as the enemy pounded on the small >craft. MEGAMAN: [pretending to knock on door] Come on! I just want you to at least LOOK at these fine brushes! BASS: [as Throwaway] I said I don't want to buy a Tails doll! TAILS: HEY!!! >It dodged left and right the purple phaser bolts of the enemy vessel. TAILS: Purple? AAAAHHH! They're being attacked by Barney! >As it neared the planet the enemy scored an glancing shot on the impulse engine. LINK: They damaged it by looking at it? AMY: Medusa's on that ship! >"Lieutenant, I've lost helm control," Ensign Throwaway announced. "We are going to crash land." KNUCKLES: [as Crash Bandicoot] But I can't land it! I'm just a Sonic ripoff! ANTHONY: Stirring up the flame bait are you, Knux? >Back in the cabin panic reigned. SONIC: Well, he IS a prince like me! PROTOMAN: "Panic" Sonic, not Manic. >Then into the chaos the shy Marrissa's voice rang out. MARIO: Eh? "Shy" Marrissa? That doesn't a sound right... >"Take your seats. If you sit down, turn around and shut up then we will get though this." ROLL: [as Marrissa] If you don't, I'll kill you! [everyone edges away from Roll again] >Meanwhile in the cockpit things were improving. "We are regaining helm control," Ensign >Throwaway announced. Then all the sudden things got much worse. LUIGI: [as Throwaway] Sir, a plot contrivance field just opened! >A purple bolt hit the shuttle sending a pulse of electricity shot thought the hull hitting the >Starfleet officers. ANTHONY: [as Ash Ketchum] Nice shot, Pikachu! [Mario bristles at that ref] >They slumped over the console, dead. LINK: [as James] Wow! The little twerp can be vicious, can't he? ZELDA: [as Jessie] Maybe he should join us! TAILS: [as Meowth] Meowth! That's right! MARIO: AAAAAAAA! ENOUGH! MEGAMAN: Still sensitive about Pokémon beating the sales of your games on Earth still, Mario? MARIO: [glares at Megaman] >Chapter Two >In the Cabin of the Shuttle April, Shayna noticed the crew's death and sweared. AMY: [as Shayna] I will avenge you Throwaway! I swear it! >Clara fainted. PEACH: She found out she was related to Misty. MARIO: AAAAAAAHHHH!!! [twitching] ANTHONY: Alright, we hit quota on Pokémon refs. MARIO: THANK YOU! >The boys were silent, BASS: Oh no! The shock turned them into mimes! ALL: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! >their eyes staring blankly at the two officers slumped over the console. >"We are going to die," Jay moaned. PROTOMAN: [as Optimus Primal] Shut up, Rattrap. >"No, you are not," Marrissa said, calmly yet loudly. "Jay what was the name of the game that >the teacher took from you last week?" LUIGI: [as Jay] Tomb Raider XXIII with holographic Lara Croft plug in, why? LINK: Daisy's going to hurt you for that, Luigi. >"Shuttle Disasters, Why?" Jay replied. KNUCKLES: That was one heck of a plot contrivance field earlier, wasn't it? >"Take the helm," Marrissa said. "I saw your high score, and I know you can land us safely. ALL: WHAT?!? ANTHONY: Oh please...if winning flight sims were any indication of skill, I'd be in Top Gun! SONIC: You look more like Goose than Maverick, Anth! >Alexander from what I have over heard you discussing with Jay, I think you would make a good >copilot for him. TAILS: [as Alexander] Why? All we've been talking about is how to avoid homework and what we think is the size of Counselor Troi's br..." ROLL: [as Marrissa] Don't argue, JUST DO IT! TAILS: [as Alexander] *gulp* Yes ma'am! >Now snap to it." Jay and Alex took off for the cockpit. "Shayna stop swearing, it's unladylike. PEACH: [as Shayna] Who said I was a lady? >Try to revive Clara." ZELDA: [as Shayna] But I haven't learned that spell yet! >In the cockpit, Jay and Alexander pushed the dead bodies aside and took the controls. MEGAMAN: [as Jay] Oh GREAT! Rigor mortis has set in and Throwaway's clasped onto the steering wheel! TAILS: [as Alexander] Well, we do have these phasers... KNUCKLES: Feeling dark, Tails? >"Alex try to level us off," BASS: [as Alexander] But I forgot my tools! >Jay ordered. "I'll try to steer us down safely." >"Angle of decent, PROTOMAN: Not possible, this is a Ratliff fic, nothing is decent in it. >cut to 60 degrees," Alexander said. "6 thousand meters." >"Try to cut it to 30 by 3 thousand," MARIO: In other words, cut it in half... >Jay said as Marrissa and Shayna entered the cockpit and removed Lt. Allen. AMY: [as Marrissa] Wow...Allen WAS DOA wasn't he? >"3 thousand meters, angle of decent 28 degrees," Alexander said. SONIC: [as Alexander] DOH! Overshot the degrees by two! >"Level us off at 15 hundred and begin looking for a landing site," Jay said. Marrissa and >Shayna returned to the cockpit to remove Ensign Throwaway. ZELDA: [as Shayna] What should we do with him, Marrissa? ROLL: [as Marrissa] Well, his name IS Throwaway...open the side door. KNUCKLES: Is EVERYBODY turning dark now? BASS: Why, is that your job? KNUCKLES: HEY!!! >"Any suggestions for a landing site, Captain?" ALL: Uh...the ground? >"Some place with a water source and burn-able vegetation nearby," [Anthony stops the scrolling] AMY: What's wrong Anthony? ANTHONY: Just...in version 2.0 there was the infamous "Trp[" error that occurred right after the word "nearby". By rights, that error should be here too. LINK: You mean...that error was ADDED in the new version? LUIGI: How...how could a Ratliff screw up a THAT badly? ANTHONY: I...don't...KNOW! >Marrissa said. "Shayna you take the feet this time." ROLL: [as Marrissa] Their stench is driving me crazy and I still owe you for that whoopee cushion! >As they began moving the Ensign back into the cabin she continued. "By the way Jay, when did I >become Captain to you?" MEGAMAN: [as Jay] Well, you DID shove that phaser don't my throat a minute ago. >"When you took command a few moments ago." Jay replied. >"That makes me captain?" Marrissa asked. TAILS: [as Jay] PSYCHE! Just wanted to get your hopes up, Risa! AMY: [as demonic sounding Marrissa (which isn't much of a stretch)] DON'T call me Risa! >"The commander of any vessel has the right to be called Captain," ANTHONY: Even if you're an admiral? >Jay replied. "Alex height and angle of decent?" PROTOMAN: Hey, I already said nothing was decent here! >"1613, 10 degrees," Alexander replied. >"I will have to take command more often. That's one title I like," Marrissa said. ZELDA: *sigh* And thus does the trouble begin... >"Please land us as so as you find a spot. It's easier to spot an moving shuttle than a hunk of >metal on a planet." SONIC: [darkly] Don't be too sure. Our planet had a hunk of metal called Robotropolis that was REAL easy to spot... ANTHONY: Let's not reflect on that. That time is past. AMY: [hugging Anthony] Thanks to you... OTHERS EXCEPT ANTHONY: [cutely] Awwww... ANTHONY: Geez... >"Now changing coarse, bearing 256," Jay said. "I'm bringing us down." PEACH: No, Sonic already brought us down, thank you! SONIC: Sorry! >The shuttle did not have a good landing. It was controlled, somewhat, LINK: Well? Was it controlled or not? >but that was all that could be said about it. Jay bounced the shuttle, once, twice, ALL: [singing] Three times a lady... >before making a long slide on the beach. LUIGI: ...and he's SAFE! TAILS and AMY: YAY! Twins win! ANTHONY: [looking suspiciously at Tails and Amy] OK, are you two only Twins fans because I'M from Minnesota? TAILS and AMY: [guiltily] *sigh* Yes! ANTHONY: Thought so... >The Shuttle came to rest with it's front end slightly tipped into a shallow stream. A splash of >water came up, as they stopped. MARIO: Ah, yes...the a cliched near the water crash landing scene... >The cabin was quiet after the landing. ROLL: The shuttlecraft, however, was still in a panic. >The children looked unharmed, if a little shaken. ALL: But not stirred. BASS: MAN, these are getting way too obvious... >"Clara, hand me my tricorder," Marrissa said. Clara handed Marrissa the instrument ZELDA: [as Marrissa] I said I wanted the tricorder. Why'd you give me an ocarina? >and Marrissa scanned though the wall of the shuttle. MEGAMAN: Oh no, she's become psychic like Anthony! ANTHONY: She's using the TRICORDER to scan, Mega! MEGAMAN: Oh... >"The atmosphere is breathable in fact it's almost perfect outside. Open the door." >Shayna hit the code and the rear of the shuttle opened up. KNUCKLES: Unfortunately the shuttle had no underwear, and well... LINK: That's a weird statement to make since you, like Sonic, are wearing gloves and shoes, but no pants. KNUCKLES: Oh, bite me! >Outside the sky was a clear blue. The beach was of yellow sand. ROLL: [as Marrissa] ALRIGHT! We landed on Maui! TAILS: [as full-of-himself Jay] Stand aside, I've got some beach babes to score! >Off the beach there a lot of purple leafed trees. In fact it was a regular forest of purple. ANTHONY: [as Joker] Well, kiddies, I see you've landed on my lair. Now the real fun can begin! AMY: [as Shayna/Harley Quinn] Oh, this is going to be fun, Mr. J! ZELDA: [as Marrissa] SHAYNA! Get back here! >The ground cover was as thin bladed grass greenish blue in color. Beyond the clear blue lake >were purple tree covered mountains. ANTHONY: Purple mountains? In that case, something's wrong... MARIO: What? ANTHONY: Where are the amber waves of grain and fruited plains? PROTOMAN: I don't think they're describing America the Beautiful, Anthony. >Clara and Shayna stood admiring the view. >"I hate to interrupt you, but we better get ready to move away from here," Marrissa said. PEACH: [as Marrissa] Shayna's last joke triggered the self-destruct. AMY: [as Shanya/Harley Quinn] But, Mr. J said... PEACH: [as Marrissa] You're NOT getting the Harley Quinn part, Shayna! AMY: [as Shayna] Nuts... >"Unless you want to be captured. Jay, find the communicators and distribute them. Alexander >the phasers. SONIC: Sonic the Hedgehog. ANTHONY: Eric the Red. BASS: Toad the Wet Sprocket. TOAD: [off screen] Did someone call me? PEACH: Not now, Toad. >Clara, I want 3 days meals for each of us in backpacks. Shayna ready all the booby trapping >material you can find. ZELDA: [as Shayna] But Allen disposed of my whoopee cushions! >I want the shuttle trapped to annoy the guys who fired on us but with stuff we can remove >without harming ourselves." ZELDA: [as Shayna] Like I said... ROLL: [as Marrissa] BESIDES the whoopee cushions, Shayna! >"What will you be doing Captain?" Jay asked. >"Getting out the survival gear," LUIGI: [as Jay] How's a gear going to help? >Marrissa replied. "You'll want something to sleep on tonight." LUIGI: [as Jay] I repeat... ROLL: [as Marrissa] Not that type of gear, Jay. [to herself] How'd I get stuck with these losers? >"What about Lt. Allen and the co-pilot?" Jay asked. >"Put them in body bags and hide them in the woods," AMY: [as Marrissa] Make sure to use the "red-shirts" only bags! >Marrissa said. "That is yours and Alex's next job. Thank you for volunteering, Jay." KNUCKLES: [as Jay] No problem! [grumbling to self] Lousy vixen...sticking me with this... TAILS: [as Alexander] HEY! How'd I get stuck with this? I didn't say anything! >A half-a-hour later, the children gathered in front of the shuttle. During their preparations >they discovered a stream in front of the shuttle. ANTHONY: Which wasn't too hard seeing it was the SAME STREAM THEY CRASHED INTO! God... >"In order to avoid capture we will be finding a new shelter," Marrissa began. The detailed >survey of this planet tells me that this stream's source is a cave about a half a mile from >here. We will shelter there." ANTHONY: As well as some tonics, a couple new weapons, and some other items, but the monsters are really tough so we'll have to level up here first. OTHERS: [give Anthony a strange look] SONIC: You and those role playing games, Anth... [shaking head] >The five children then picked up their bags and headed upstream into the forest. ROLL: I thought they were going to a cave? I need a break... ANTHONY: Good idea, let's all take one. [getting up] Nicole, stop scrolling until we get back. [all get up and leave] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Outside the theater. Roll is walking up exasperated and meets up with Tails and Amy.] AMY: Any luck? ROLL: No...Dr. Light won't make me a brunette. He kind of likes the idea of having a "daughter" who looks like a leader. TAILS: Did you mention Marrissa? ROLL: Yes...still no good. AMY: Well...this could work to our advantage anyway. ROLL: What do you mean? AMY: Tails and I have been talking...and we think Arcadia could use a Kid's Crew. ROLL: WHAT?!? TAILS: Yeah! If ever the others are away on a mission, we can take over any problems that occur, and our youthful vigor can save the day! AMY: Even the Koopa kids can help us! ROLL: Are you NUTS?!? Mario, Sonic, Mega, Link, and Anthony would never go for that! They'd laugh their heads off and think we've lost our minds! Dr. Light might even think I was short circuiting! TAILS: [noticing Anthony] Well let's ask. Hey Anthony! ANTHONY: [walking up] Yeah? TAILS: We were pondering the idea of an Arcadian version of a Kid's Crew whenever you guys are away on a mission. ANTHONY: Hmm...well despite the fact that it's still frightening that Roll looks like Marrissa...by the way, sorry you weren't able to become a brunette Roll... ROLL: Thanks. ANTHONY: As I was saying...the idea actually has merit. AMY: [surprised] Really? ANTHONY: Sure! The Koopa kids know some magic, Roll here can be refitted with some weaponry like Megaman (can you say, Megagirl?), the Kokiri sure know how to fight, and Tails here DOES have Magi Reynard's Descendancy Powers. There's just one problem... ROLL: What's that? ANTHONY: Well...the only kid in my immediate family right now is my five year old niece, and the thought of her, being as rambunctious as she is, with psionic ability as well as Sir Eric's Descendancy Powers frightens me... TAILS: Oh well, it was worth a shot... ROLL: C'mon, lets get some food... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Commercials ensue. Amy weeps when she notices she's not a playable character in Sonic Adventure 2.] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Group walks back into the theater where Nicole is waiting. Several of the guys are belching, causing the ladies to give them bad looks despite their apologies.] LINK: Sonic...what the HECK did you put in those chili dogs? I've let one more than was inferred in the "Blood and Metal" MiST! SONIC: My secret recipe... MARIO: Well, if a that recipe gives me the Tijuana Trots... AMY: >_< Ewwww... THERE'S an image we don't need! MARIO: Sorry! ANTHONY: OK, Nicole, start scrolling again. Because... ALL: IT'S RATLIFF SIGN!!! >Chapter Three >"What a beautiful day," Marrissa said. ANTHONY: [singing as Hypertrophy] I like when it feels this way... [sound of something breaking] ANTHONY: The HELL?!? What was that?!? NICOLE: Sorry, my Obscure-O-Meter just pegged. >"If you like hiking though woods, in a stream, with heavy loads on your back," Clara replied >bitingly. MEGAMAN: [as Jay] OW! Quit biting me, Clara! ZELDA: [as Clara] Sorry, I'm a bit hungry. LUIGI: *urp* I'm not...excuse me... [runs out] KNUCKLES: There's the first victim to your cooking, Sonic. SONIC: [glares at Knuckles] >"Why you have us carrying these rolls of foam and blankets is beyond me." ROLL: [as Marrissa under her breath] Actually a lot of things would be beyond you, Clara. PEACH: [as Clara] What was that...RISA?!? ROLL: [as Marrissa] Oooh, you're going to pay! PROTOMAN and BASS: [as Jay and Alexander] CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! [sound of a toilet flush and Luigi returns] MARIO: You alright bro? LUIGI: Yeah...remind a me to unclog that a toilet later... AMY: >_< EWWWWWWW... LUIGI: Sorry. >"You will thank me for them tonight," Marrissa said. "Cave floors are hard." LINK: So was that chili on my system...excuse me... [runs out] KNUCKLES: And another victim... ANTHONY: That's it! Sonic, you are hereby forbidden from cooking ever again. SONIC: Aw, MAN! >"How much farther?" Shayna asked. TAILS and AMY: [as whiny kids] Are we there yet? >"Not much farther," Marrissa replied. >"You are enjoying this, Marrissa, aren't you," Jay observed. ROLL: [as Marrissa] What? Giving orders and watching you all suffer? Definitely! [others edge away from Roll as Link comes back in] LINK: Make that two toilets you have to unclog, Luigi! AMY: >_< EWWWWYUCK!!!!!!!! ANTHONY: Guys, knock it off. I don't need to see Amy throw up, AGAIN! >"My parents like to take camping trips when on leave," Marrissa said. "I recommend Yellowstone >and Yosemite on Earth for camping. Excellent views, hiking trails and camping sites." KNUCKLES: OK, who here thinks the Yellowstone and Yosemite tourism boards paid Ratliif to mention them? PROTOMAN: Actually, they would have paid Ratliff NOT to mention them if they knew they would be mentioned in a Marrissa fic! >"You expect up to stay overnight?" Jay asked. SONIC: You expect up...huh? ANTHONY: Just ignore it, Sonic. It's just typical Ratliffian syntax. >"Yes, the Enterprise is a good couple hours away, minimum," Marrissa replied. "It will be dark >in an hour." >"How much farther?" Shayna asked. TAILS and AMY: [as whiny kids] Are we THERE YET? ZELDA: [as exasperated mother] YES! We're vacationing at this gas station. Hope you enjoy it! >"Would 10 meters do?" Alexander, who had been leading the way said. BASS: Alexander was leading? MARIO: There's a no way Marrissa would allow THAT! >Alexander was standing between two trees. MEGAMAN: [as Alexander] I'll put my hammock here so I won't have to sleep with Marrissa... ANTHONY: AAAAAAHH! REPHRASE THAT! REPHRASE THAT! MEGAMAN: [as Alexander] ...so I won't have to sleep anywhere NEAR Marrissa. ANTHONY: Better...I was getting a REALLY bad image there! >Past those trees a clearing opened up. A small stream meandered thought the blue-green turf >from a large rock. LUIGI: Water from a rock? When did a Ratliff get biblical on us? >About 30 degrees from the stream's intersection with the rock a cave opened up to the air. >"Let's put our stuff in the cave and start trapping the clearing," ROLL: [as Marrissa] We might catch a rabbit or other animal for dinner. [Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy give Roll a bad look] ROLL: What? D'OH, sorry! Forgot what kind of world I'm in now! AMY: Just feel lucky Bunnie didn't hear you... BUNNIE: [off screen] Actually I did, sugah. Roll, we'll talk LATER!!! ROLL: Uh oh... PEACH: It's been nice knowing you, Roll... >Marrissa ordered. "Dinner will be at sunset." >[Add description of cave] PROTOMAN: What the...? What's THAT? MARIO: Looks a like Ratliff's editing notes! ANTHONY: Just feel lucky he didn't add the Disney songs in this version! SONIC: [as Mickey Mouse and clenching his fists over his head to make the ears] Yeah, cause then I would sue! LINK: You mean like you are going to be for that riff, Sonic? SONIC: Oops... >Meanwhile the alien vessel had launched a shuttle. KNUCKLES: The alien vessel had Sonic's chili too? SONIC: Will you leave me alone?!? >It was all black with a rounded cylinder for a main body and bat-like wings. [all speak at once] ANTHONY: HOLD IT!!! We keep doing these tandem Batman refs...let's move on... >Near the outer edge of the wings were yellow spikes which appeared to be its means of >propulsion >[Enhance discussion, adding additional description] BASS: Don't bother, Ratliff. You couldn't make that sound more cheesy if you tried! >Back on the planet, descending shuttle's trail was seen in the sunset. The sunset was beautiful. TAILS: The shuttle caused the sun to set? AMY: NOW I'm impressed! >The sun was red on the horizon sending red lines along the purple mountains tops. ANTHONY: ...and along the fruited plains. PROTOMAN: Get "America the Beautiful" out of your head, Anthony! >The sky was a beautiful shade of orange. Even the bright yellow path of the enemy shuttle >harmonized with the scene. LINK: Never would have figured the Trakce to be artistic! KNUCKLES: [as that soft-spoken painter whose name I don't know] ...and just make your purple trees look like happy trees. >"Looks like we are about to have company," Alexander said finishing a trap. MEGAMAN: [as Alexander] I hope the Trakce are good eatin'. LUIGI: You know...if Alexander were a proper Klingon, he probably would a say that! >"It's too early for the Enterprise to have arrived," Jay replied joining Alex. "Marrissa says >dinner is ready." MARIO: [as Jay] She made chili dogs and got the recipe from a guy named Sonic! TAILS: [as Alexander] Forget it! Those things made me clog up the toilet! SONIC: LEAVE ME ALONE!! AMY: [turns green, covers her mouth, and runs out the theater] ANTHONY: Oh...GREAT! Nice work, guys!!! MARIO and TAILS: Sorry... >"Good, I'm starved," Alexander said as they retreated to the cave. "I just hope they don't >attack during dinner." PROTOMAN: [with affected high class accent] Yes, that would be quite rude! >"You really think that they can walk here in a half an hour, in the dark, though all the traps >we left behind," Jay asked. LINK: All the traps? I only read of one trap readied. What the...? KNUCKLES: Just smile and nod, Link. LINK: Something tells me that won't work, Knuckles... [Amy walks back in] ANTHONY: You alright, Ames? AMY: Yeah, but now we have three toilets clogged. OTHERS: OH, EWWWWWWWWW.... AMY: Don't worry! Wario's taking care of them and I told him WHY they were clogged. WARIO: [off screen] You owe me for a this, Sonic! >"No," Alexander said, "but we must be ready." >"Marrissa has that taken care of," Jay replied. PEACH: And how did she? MEGAMAN: Through the almighty powers of plot contrivance and Deus Ex Machina! ALL: [dully] *sigh* Again... >Meanwhile the enemy shuttle was landing on the beach by the shuttle April. LUIGI: Unfortunately they were originally supposed to be there March, but... >Making a joke as to the qualifications of the April's pilot, which had Jay heard and >understood would have resulted in serious harm to the pilot, the enemy pilot exited the front >of the ship. SONIC: Um... MARIO: Wha...? ANTHONY: It fruitless to sort that out, lets just move on... >He like the rest of his comrades were flat black in color about seven feet tall. The entire >group had mustard yellow hair braided with ribbons. BASS: Oh no, they're being invaded by Ru Paul clones! ALL: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! >They wore black body armor, which accented their over muscled body. [all present look at Bass] BASS: Don't...even...GO there! >The ribbons in the pilot's hair were black and green. Another alien's ribbons were black, red, >and purple. The remaining three had black and gray ribbons. PROTOMAN: Everybody get that? OTHERS: NO! PROTOMAN: Good... >The five fell out in a formation protecting the enemy with the black, red, and purple in a >protected position. They rounded of the April to it's open rear. KNUCKLES: And, as before, since the shuttle had no underwear... LINK: Uh, Knux? You...no pants...remember? KNUCKLES: Uh, Link? Bite me...remember? >The black, red, and purple one motioned for a gray ribboned alien to enter the shuttle. As he >entered a puff of red dust shot out at him. He began to sneeze. Soon, however the sneezing >turned into a seizure and he fell to the ground twitching and died. TAILS: [as alien] ACK! Damn...allergies... >The leader sent a seconded gray ribboned into the shuttle, vaporizing the first. LUIGI: [as alien] Sir, don't a you think that's extreme for hay fever? ROLL: [as the alien as Marrissa] Don't argue with me! Kill him! [others edge away from Roll yet again] >This one made it into the cockpit were a foul smelling mist descended on him. MEGAMAN: [as shuttle] Oh, excuse me, I just let one. MARIO: [as alien] Oh no, it's a Ratliff gas! RUN! >His black face began to lighten. He left the shuttle and informed the leader that the shuttle >was empty. >Then the leader sent the pilot in. The pilot sat down in the CO-pilot seat and tried to access >the computer. KNUCKLES: [as alien] Let's see...cool! They have Half-Life installed! >The computer remained blank and the pilot's hands began to itch. Both the leader and the pilot >being frustrated they spied a path though the sand into the forest. ANTHONY: Yeah, probably that same path that got swept away in Alice in Wonderland. [sound of something breaking again] ANTHONY: Obscure-O-Meter again, Nicole? NICOLE: Yes. ANTHONY: Gotta learn to stop doing that... >The leader ordered his men (or maybe women) PEACH: You mean even the leader didn't know? ZELDA: Forget the leader, you mean even RATLIFF didn't know? He's writing this! >into the forest. The third gray ribboned took the lead. The pilot was second and the leader >third. The second gray ribboned was last, his face now a pale gray. SONIC: Oh no, he's turning into Michael Jackson! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! >Chapter Four >Personal Log >Marrissa Flores >First Day on the Planet PROTOMAN: Morale is low...and were afraid we may have to resort to cannibalism... >We've set up in the cave, and got most of the material we need to survive from the shuttle. MARIO: [as Lonestar] What's this? I said take only what you need to survive. ZELDA: [as Princess Vespa] My industrial strength hairdryer, AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT! LINK: [snickering] Actually, knowing the way you get ready in the morning princess, you probably would say that... ZELDA: [glaring at Link] What was that...HERO?!? LINK: *gulp* Nothing... >Jay and Clara have rigged up a network of listening and observation points so we can safely >follow to movements of the enemy. They visited the shuttle earlier today. AMY: [as Marrissa] Didn't even bother to CALL first! How rude! ROLL: [as Marrissa] Not to mention what they did to the rug with those dirty boots of theirs... >They are brutes. They stand over two meters in height and have an over-muscled bodies black in >color. [all present look at Bass again] BASS: HEY! I said don't go there! >As far as I can tell, they seem to be nearly identical. The only differing feature they have is >the colored ribbons in their hair. PROTOMAN: Now did everybody remember who had what ribbons? OTHERS: NO! PROTOMAN: Good... >Mean while on the planet, TAILS: Aw...why can't there be any nice whiles on the planet? >Marrissa and the other children were watching, via the sensors from a half dozen medical >tricorders, MEGAMAN: The Young and the Restless. ANTHONY: [as Jay] Shouldn't we save power on these for something IMPORTANT? PEACH: [as Shayna] This IS important! We need to know who Mary's baby's father is! >the enemy soldiers' attempts to follow their trail. So far they had hit two dozen trip-wires >(made of vines). LUIGI: Remember a that last part. You will be tested later. TAILS and AMY: [pretending to take notes] >This caused both gray ribboned men to be hung by their legs an average of four times and all of >them had received a mushy bioluminescent red fruit in their face, chest, or back at least three >times. SONIC: [as alien] We're being attacked by Soupy Sales, sir! ANTHONY: Bioluminescent? They're being hit by the fire berries from Legend of Kyrandia? KNUCKLES: [as alien] AHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! ROLL: [as Marrissa-esque alien leader] He's useless now! Kill him! [everyone edges away from Roll again] ANTHONY: Will you KNOCK THAT OFF, Roll? >At this time the enemy decided to stop for the night. They pitched some tents LINK: ...into the lake. Not exactly the brightest bulbs in the bunch... >and cut down some limbs to start a fire. >Back in the cave Marrissa asked Jay, "That's near communicator number three, isn't it?" >"Pretty close, number two should also be within range," Jay replied. AMY: Ewwwww... Couldn't they wait until they went in the bushes? MARIO: They must've had a Sonic's chili dogs too. SONIC: Grrrrrrr.... ANTHONY: Guys, enough, we've run that into the ground now! SONIC: THANK YOU!!! >"Clara, would you get your flute?" Marrissa said. "I think a little lullaby would do our >friends some good. [Zelda pulls out the Ocarina of Time and plays Zelda's Lullaby, which causes Tails and Amy to fall asleep on Anthony] PEACH: [giggles] Rather potent song there, Zelda... >Open a channel to communicator number three and play some music until you get them to react, >every hour, on the hour." >[Revise slightly] PROTOMAN: Only slightly? You need more help than that, Ratliff! KNUCKLES: Think I should wake the kids? ZELDA: No, let them sleep. They look so cute like that. LUIGI: Yeah, and a besides, they'd probably thank us for letting them skip a Ratliff fic. >Back in the enemy camp, the enemy began to hear strains of such tunes such as 'The Yellow Rose >of Texas", "When the Saints Go Marching In", ANTHONY: Hey, Proto, I thought you said this WASN'T America! PROTOMAN: It isn't...don't even go there. >and "March of the Tin Soldiers." However when Clara began playing "Joy to the World" they began >to look quite scared. BASS: Clara's playing DOES have that effect on people... >As Clara switched to "March Slav" they began to pray to whatever god or gods they believed in. PEACH: The Great Tree! LINK: Din! Farore! Nayru! SONIC: Destiny! ANTHONY: [in a demonic voice] SATAN! [Tails and Amy awake screaming] ANTHONY: Ooops...sorry! Twas just a joke! AMY: Don't...DO that!!! >After a half-a-hour Marrissa closed the channel. "Let them worry about that for a while," >Marrissa said, putting here hand to her head. >"What's wrong Marrissa?" Clara asked, concerned. >"I'm getting a splitting headache," TAILS: [yawning] Great...it's turning into an Excedrin commercial... >Marrissa said. "Too much stress, I guess." >"I think you need some rest," Clara said. "Go to bed, ROLL: Wait...Clara's giving Marrissa orders? What alternate universe are we in? >Jay, Alex, and Shayna are alternating watches 'till dawn. PEACH: [as Clara] Although Jay doesn't want to give up his Rolex... >I'll make sure the enemy can't sleep, but you better. We can't have a tried and sick leader, >tomorrow." MARIO: Why not? We're a already sick and tired of her! >"OK, Clara, I'll get some rest," Marrissa said. She picked up her bed roll and spread out the >foam pad and blank. ANTHONY: And blank? What word was censored there? >Crawling between them she continued, "Play your flute once in awhile to our enemy. I want them >tried and scared tomorrow morning." ZELDA: [as Clara] Then I have the perfect thing. I'll broadcast a reading of "Time Speeder"... ANTHONY: Uh...no. The fourth wall is shattered enough, Zelda. >Though out the night at the beginning and midpoint of each watch Clara blessed the enemy >soldiers with her beautiful rendition of "March Slav." However, the enemy didn't appreciate the >piece. They became more and more scared. KNUCKLES: [as alien] Sir, request permission to soil myself! ROLL: [as Marrissa-esque alien leader] Oh, suck it up you wimp! >In addition during Shayna's watch she provided a constant version of the "Battle Hymn of the >Republic" on her harmonica. >[New scene, the Enterprise begins its search] PROTOMAN: Nah, you can just leave them on the planet Ratliff. >[Push scene back] PROTOMAN: O.O The HELL?!? He actually listened to me? BASS: I don't think he means THAT scene, Proto. >Just before dawn Marrissa woke up. After consuming a couple of ancient Earth delicacies known >as strawberry poptarts, AMY: Ancient is right. Didn't they stop making those at some point? TAILS: Must've been replicated... LUIGI: How the heck did a they a replicator down there? ANTHONY: Guys, stop thinking about the fic. That way lies madness. >she woke up the others. As they ate their breakfast, Marrissa consulted the hidden sensors from >the medical tricorders. ZELDA: [as Marrissa] Clara, Shayna, check this out! I got a picture of them naked! AMY and PEACH: [as Clara and Shayna] WOOHOO!!! MARIO and MEGAMAN: [as Jay and Alexander] Women... >The enemy soldiers were beginning to move toward the cave again, so Marrissa began to quietly >hand out the phasers. >"They're moving?" Jay asked. ROLL: [as Marrissa] Well, we haven't killed them...yet. >Marrissa nodded. >"How far?" Alexander asked. >"Scanner Five," ALL: ...is ALIVE! LINK: That was WAY too obvious...we need to branch out more. >Marrissa replied. "Alex and Jay, left side of the entrance, us girls will be on the right." >"As usual, the girls are always right," Jay commented. PEACH, ZELDA, ROLL, and AMY: And don't you forget it! [all the guys sneer at that] >"And don't you forget it," Clara returned. ALL: GYAH!!! ANTHONY: OK, predicting things like that is MY department, girls! I'M the psionicist around here! >Then the four enemies appeared on the edge of the clearing. First to enter was the pale-faced >gray ribboned followed by his dark-faced fellow gray ribboned. PROTOMAN: Everybody with the story so far? OTHERS: NO! PROTOMAN: Good... >Next was the pilot who was having trouble holding his weapon. SONIC: Um... KNUCKLES: Not a word, Sonic! We have kids here! >Finally the leader entered. Spying the children, he ordered his men to open fire. BASS: YES! Kill them! >They narrowly missed. BASS: Dammit... >Marrissa and the other children returned fire. They stunned the dark-faced gray ribboned. The >pale-faced one collapsed without a shot hitting him. MARIO: Hey, that WAS a Ratliff gas earlier! >The pilot was having so much trouble holding on to his weapon that he couldn't hit the >broadside of a barn. SONIC: [trying desperately to stifle a laugh] ANTHONY: This is one of those times I wish you had that hammer from the games, Amy. AMY: [pulls a large hammer from out of nowhere and bops Sonic with it] ANTHONY: What...the...HELL?!?!? AMY: Had Dr. Light make it for me. Sonic should be alright in a few seconds... SONIC: [dizzy] Mommie...please make the room stop spinning... >Seeing his men down and his pilot's lack of accuracy, the leader adjusted his weapon's setting >and fired at the gray ribbons and vaporized them. ROLL: [as Marrissa] Wow! This guy's as ruthless as me! SONIC: [better now] Boy...I'll remember to control myself after that! That HURT, Amy! AMY: Sorry! >Ordering a retreat, he readjusted his weapon SONIC: [laughs out loud and was knocked out my Amy's hammer again] LINK: Short memory, I guess... LUIGI: You must've hit him harder than a you thought, Amy! >and fled into the forest, the pilot following. >After the aliens had left the clearing Marrissa spoke up, "Now that we have them on the run, >lets keep them that way." >"That sounds like a good idea," Alexander said. >"Jay, Clara, take the left side of the path," Marrissa ordered. "Alex, Shayna, the right. Get >ahead, take a pot shot and run." TAILS: [as a stoned Alexander] Whoa...like...what were we doing again, Shayna? ANTHONY: Why am I suddenly reminded of "Orcium"? SONIC: [better now and glaring at Amy] >"Where did you get that idea?" Jay asked. "It sounds familiar." >"Earth History, American Revolution, Battle of Lexington and Concord," Marrissa replied. MEGAMAN: Of course, Miss "wants to rule the universe" remembers the major battles of history. >"Now get going. As soon as they take off we will meet back here, get our stuff and return to >the shuttle." PEACH: [as Clara] You mean we have to go hiking, AGAIN? ZELDA: [as Marrissa] Of course, it builds character! >The enemy commander's week was getting worse and worse. First he couldn't capture an unarmed >shuttle. Then he lost a man checking out the empty shuttle. MARIO: Uh...if I remember correctly, you were a the guy who vaporized him... >Finally he lost two more men from what appeared to be the young of the species controlling the >shuttle. KNUCKLES: He vaped them too. Why is saying he lost them? PROTOMAN: Would you tell your superior you killed you own men because they just fainted? KNUCKLES: Good point... >He didn't know what else could go wrong. >He found out when a phaser beam shot past his nose. ROLL: ...and when he realized he soiled himself when that happened, he vaporized himself. >Off in the bushes someone ran off and the enemy commander's shot missed. So much for capturing >a young member of the species to use to control their next conquered nation, namely the >Federation. ANTHONY: Uh...the federation is more than just a NATION, alien dude. SONIC: Hey, guys...can we take a break, I've got a serious headache for some reason... [glaring at Amy again] ANTHONY: No problem. Nicole, halt scrolling please. [all leave] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Outside the theater. Sonic has an icepack on his head, Sally can be seen lecturing to Amy, Bunnie runs past trying to catch Roll, and Anthony walks up.] SONIC: Damn, that hurts... ANTHONY: Look, you had that coming. We didn't need any riffs of that nature, especially for a RATLIFF fic. SONIC: Yeah, I know... SALLY: [walking up] Amy's sorry for what happened Sonic, but after hearing about those riffs... SONIC: C'mon Sal...the fic said "adjusting his weapon", what ELSE was I supposed to think? It was right there! SALLY: Still...you should show some restraint in front of the kids. After all, you and I... ANTHONY: [clears throat] Uh...I think you two are still a little young to be thinking about THAT! What are you, seventeen? SONIC: C'mon Sal, let's find someplace more private. [scoops Sally up and runs off] ANTHONY: Sheesh... [Mario and Link walk up] LINK: Where'd Sonic go? ANTHONY: He and Sally went someplace more private. At least that's what Sonic said... MARIO: Oh, you know what a THAT means, don't you? ANTHONY: Lets...not...GO there. [Megaman walks up] MEGAMAN: Hey guys! You know, I just thought of something... LINK: What? MEGAMAN: I think the Voyager series might have been based on Ratliff's stories. MARIO: WHAT?!? ANTHONY: No way Paramount would be THAT desperate! MEGAMAN: Well, think about it! Janeway is a female in command and has a way of intimidating those under her and who oppose her. MARIO: The same could a be said for ANY female commander in a Starfleet! MEGAMAN: Yeah, but she also seems to be falling in love with Chakotay, and Marrissa DOES fall in love with Jay, HER second in command. Also, she seems to have a love for coffee just as much as Marrissa loves strawb... ANTHONY: Mega... MEGAMAN: Yes? ANTHONY: You're reading WAY too much into that! If anyone even thought about basing a series on Ratliff's work, he would've stopped writing fanfiction a LONG time ago because he would have preferred to make a profit from his work. MEGAMAN: I see... LINK: Come on, let's play Mario Party until everyone's ready... ANTHONY: I'm there! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Commercials ensue. Mario and Link gape at the promo for the Tomb Raider movie.] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Everyone returns to the theater. Sonic has his ice pack still and has confiscated Amy's hammer. Sally has joined the group now.] SONIC: OK, this should make sure I'm not knocked out just because I have a dirty mind. SALLY: Don't worry, I'LL keep you in line this time. LINK: [to Zelda] Should we be more afraid? ZELDA: Probably. ROLL: No...you don't know fear until you've seen a half-cyborg threaten to reprogram you... ANTHONY: OK, Nicole. Start the scrolling again, because... ALL BUT SALLY: WE'VE GOT RATLIFF SIGN!!! SALLY: RATLIFF?!? Maybe coming here was a mistake... >Chapter Five ALL BUT ANTHONY: ...is ALIVE! ANTHONY: Guys, we already did that. >On the planet, the enemy shuttle was having a great deal of trouble taking off. Not only was >the pilot's hands becoming useless rapidly, PROTOMAN: ...causing the commander to have to vaporize him. BASS: [as alien commander] My CO's not going to like this... >but occasional pot shots from the forest were damaging the shuttle. TAILS: [as commander, stoned] Whoa man...this must be the good stuff to damage the shuttle like that... ANTHONY: Okay, Tails, stop. I don't need flashbacks from "Orcium". >The Commander pushed the pilot aside and took over the controls himself. The shuttle then left >as quickly as it could, KNUCKLES: [as Monty Python's King Arthur] Run away! [all the males in the group go "Run away" in turn] >leaving the children to begin reactivating the shuttle for their return to the Enterprise. >Meanwhile, LUIGI: ...back at a the ranch. >the Enterprise was entering the system. "Captain, I am detecting a medium-sized vessel orbiting >the fifth planet," Worf said. MARIO: [as Picard] Dammit, I ordered a large. Can't they get my order straight? >"Mr. Data analyst," MEGAMAN: Wow, Data's branching out! He's an analyst now! >Captain Picard ordered. >"The vessel matches the configuration of the attacking vessel from the April's distress call," >Data replied. >"Captain, a shuttle is leaving the planet," Worf injected, SALLY: The planet must have had some of Sonic's chili. SONIC: HEY!!! LINK: You knew about that? Why didn't you warn US? ANTHONY: Guys, let's not start that again... >"highly agitated. It is not ours." >"Scan for life signs," Picard ordered. >"Two life signs of unknown type," Data responded. >"Hail the larger ship," Picard said. >"Hailing Frequencies Open," Worf replied. >"This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise, Please respond." >"Message coming in text only," Worf said. "Please stand by, Commanding Officer currently not >available." ROLL: [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ail? PEACH: How did you pronounce that? ZELDA: She's a robot... PEACH: Oh yeah... >"It appears that we are on hold, Mr. Worf," the Captain said amused. KNUCKLES: [as Picard] They're even playing "The Girl from Ipenema" while we wait. The horror... AMY: [as nasally telephone operator] We're sorry, the call cannot be completed at this time... >"Are we with in scanning range of the fifth planet?" >"Yes, Captain," Data informed. >"Scan and identify life signs." >"Five life signs, four human, one Klingon inside the shuttle," Data said. SONIC: [as Data] They appear to be involved in something called a "gang bang", sir. [several of those present turn green] SALLY: Do you want me to give Amy her hammer back? SONIC: *gulp* No! SALLY: Then BEHAVE! >[Remove contact scene, add mystery] PROTOMAN: Why not remove the entire fic while you're at it, Ratliff? >"Hail the shuttle," Picard ordered. >"Shuttle responding," Worf replied. >"On Screen." >A blond haired girl appeared on the Main veiwscreen. Behind her a long black haired girl and a >short brown haired girl were working on the shuttle. ZELDA: [as Clara as auto mechanic] Well...looks like your carburetor is shot and your transmission needs work. I predict about $200 worth of work here. >"Shuttle April, Marrissa Flores speaking. How may I help you?" >"Where is Lieutenant Allen and Ensign Throwaway?" Picard inquired. BASS: [as Picard] Have you been eliminating non-cast members without my permission again, young lady? >"Dead, I am the oldest surviving member of the passengers, all of witch survived." MARIO: She's a WITCH! LUIGI: Burn her! Build a bridge out of her! >Marrissa said, somewhat sadly. "Clara and Shayna believe the shuttle is spaceworthly." ANTHONY: [in cheesy televangelist voice] Yes, the ship is healed because they BELIEVE!!! Send money... >"Did you encounter the occupants of the unidentified ship?" Picard asked. >"Yes, we scared them out of their wits," Marrissa smiled. ROLL: [as Marrissa] They were so scared their number one did a number two in his pants! ANTHONY: [quickly] No one say a word about Sonic's chili! SONIC: THANK YOU! >"Transmitting data now. I thing SALLY: [as Morticia] Why, merci, Thing! SONIC: [as Gomez] Tish, you spoke French! [kisses Sally's paw] Please, say more! [kisses paw again] Crepes Suzette. [kisses further up arm] Anything... KNUCKLES: Sonic, bud, you're enjoying that riff WAY too much... SALLY: [giggling] So am I... >that they will not allow themselves to be examined. We stunned one and another collapsed, both >of them were vaporized by a third." >"Entering standard orbit, Captain," the ensign at the helm said. MEGAMAN: Hold it! We have an unnamed ensign there! As per a true Ratliff fic, we need a round of introductions. PEACH: Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth... >"Captain, Clara informs me that we can take off at any time now," Marrissa said. TAILS: [as Picard] Good! Let's get the heck out of this fic... AMY: Wishful thinking won't work, Tails. >"Belay that, AMY: See? TAILS: Aw, nuts... >Transporter Room beam them directly to the Bridge," the Captain ordered. >"Unable to comply, Captain, Transporters are blocked in system," the transporter room replied. PROTOMAN: [as Picard] Damn AOL slowups... >"Then Marrissa, hold launch until we can do something about this ship," Picard said. >"Aye, sir. April out," Marrissa replied. ANTHONY: What? It's May already? >As the veiwscreen returned to the view of the planet and the other ship, Worf said," The >unknown ship is finally responding to our hails." BASS: [as Worf] Good thing too, that muzak was driving me crazy! >"On screen," Picard ordered. >The black-faced alien with his yellow hair drawn back with black, red, and purple ribbons >appeared in a plain white featureless room. SONIC: [snickering] They finally committed him for vaping his own guys! >The Alien spoke up; "I am Ath Russell of the Graphpol. ANTHONY: Graph poll? This guy's with the census bureau? >You are invading the Trakcen Empire. Leave at once." LINK: [as Ath Russell] ...or we will strike back! MARIO: Let's not make a this a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover now... >"You might what to check your star charts," Captain Picard began. "For 20 parsecs around this >planet in all directions there is nothing but Federation planets and starbases. KNUCKLES: [as Picard] Perhaps you've tried our coffee... LUIGI: That's a StarBUCKS, Knuckles... ZELDA: ...and besides, Picard's family sells wine from their vineyard. >And I for one have never heard of the Trakcen Empire." >"Then you are misinformed," the Ath replied. >"Mr. Data please confirm the existence of the planets I indicated," MEGAMAN: [as Data] I cannot sir. The planets cannot think, and therefore cannot be... [sound of something breaking again] NICOLE: Would you mind not doing that? These Obscure-O-Meter peggings are beginning to hurt. MEGAMAN: Sorry. >Picard ordered. "Request population and current Head of State to update our records on >unsecured channels. And I know you have no claim on this planet, Especially since the only >people on it are my shuttle crew." PEACH: Wait...is he still talking to Data? I don't remember Data claiming the planet... ANTHONY: Oh no...that's not Data! It's LORE!!! OTHERS: FANBOY! FAAAAAAAN-BOOOOOOOY! ANTHONY: Oh, knock it off! >"Captain, the existence of all 145 Federation bases and colonies have been confirmed," Data said. >"My information has been confirmed, has yours?" Picard asked. >The enemy commander closed the channel. SONIC: [as Picard] Wuss. >Then Worf spoke up, "The Trakcen ship is powering its weapons and has raised shields." >"RED ALERT, raise shields, ready phasers, and photon torpedoes," Riker commanded. ROLL: Warning! We are beginning a Ratliff battle scene. Get to secure positions! This is not a drill! [everyone ducks under the seats] >"Analyst of Trakcen ship, Data," Picard asked. PROTOMAN: [from under seat as Data] I don't know him, sir. I believe he's just an intern. >"The power levels are comparable to early Constitution class vessels," Data replied. "However >it could be more maneuverable." >"The enemy is firing," Worf said. "Hit on our port shield, no damage, shields still at 100 >percent." ANTHONY: [from under seat as Worf] Good thing we found that powerup. >"CONN Move us between them and planet," Picard directed. "Mr. Worf take out their shields, only." >Phaser beams shot out from the Enterprise toward the Graphpol. Its shields flared red and then >collapsed. The Trakcen ship turned and fled. ROLL: [looking up] OK, we're clear. [everyone gets back in their seats] LINK: [as Black Knight] Oh, I see, running away, eh? Come back here and take what's coming to ya! I'll bite your legs off! >"CONN, follow them out of the system and then return to the planet," Picard commanded. "Once >they go to warp tell the April to take off to join us. >[Replace scene with Away Team finding Kids] KNUCKLES: [as Ratliff] Or should I just leave them there...? TAILS: That type of wishful thinking will DEFINITELY get you nowhere! >After the Trakcen ship had left, the Enterprise returned to the planet and the waiting shuttle. >Hailing the waiting shuttle, Captain Picard said, "This is Captain Picard, AMY: [as Marrissa] Well, DUH! I can see you on the monitor, Captain! >can you bring the shuttle into the main shuttle bay or do you require a tractor beam." >"Jay says he and Alexander can bring us in," Marrissa said. ROLL: [as panicked Marrissa] Tractor beam...for God's sake use the tractor beam! >"Once you are on board, we will beam you directly to the quarantine unit in Sickbay per >regulations," Picard said. MARIO: [as Picard] Not that we think you're a sick or anything, we just want to keep you away from the rest of the crew. >"After you are cleared I'd like you to prepare a report on your experiences on the planet and >your opinion on the race which calls themselves the Trakce for tomorrow's staff meeting." BASS: [as Picard] I want it to be five pages, single spaced, with more than three distinct references. PEACH: [as Marrissa, whiny] Aw...but I hate writing essays! >"I'll be ready, April out." ZELDA: [as April O'Neil] Hope Leo, Mike, Don, and Raph made it out okay... ANTHONY: *sigh* I was WONDERING when a TMNT ref was going to be made... >Chapter Six ANTHONY: Last chapter guys! [general cheering erupts] >[Rewrite, possibly reposition] LUIGI: How about just a remove? >After being released from Sick bay Marrissa went to see Clara. When she entered Clara's room >the younger girl was studying how the Enterprise's warp engines worked. SALLY: [as Clara] So THAT'S why the warp chamber looks like the Master Control Program... >"And you accused me of being a book worm," Marrissa kidded lightheartedly. >"I just got a little curious," Clara replied taking a sip of milk. "This is fascinating." ALL: [as Spock] Fascinating... BASS: Could these GET any more obvious?!? >"Can you tear yourself away from that to help me with my report to the senior staff tomorrow?" >Marrissa asked. PEACH: [as Clara] Okay, but I want half the royalties and I want it put in writing... >"If you will join Jay, Shayna, Alexander, and myself on Holodeck Two tomorrow at 14 hundred >hours," Clara responded. >"Why?" AMY: [as Clara] We're going to play house! >"We had a discussion on our way home from sick bay. We decided that we who like to try crewing >the bridge and other parts of the Enterprise. SONIC: That you who like to try crewing the bridge WHAT?!? KNUCKLES: I think that's just Ratliffian syntax again, Sonic. >Since the Captain doesn't allow kids on the bridge this is the next best thing." >"I'll be there. Now about my report..." ROLL: [as Marrissa] Should I make it about George Washington or Abe Lincoln? >The next day Marrissa arrived at the observation lounge early. TAILS: Just trying to make up for being late at the shuttle, I guess... >Being the first to arrive she began pacing, back and forth in front of the windows. [all talk at once again] ANTHONY: Hold it! Hold it!!! HOLD IT!!! Are we all doing a tandem Microsoft Windows riff now? OTHERS: Yes! ANTHONY: Thought so...let's move on... >Counselor Troi was the next person to arrive. Sensing Marrissa's nervousness she set out to >calm Marrissa down, and if possible remove her fear. "Nervous," she asked. >Marrissa nodded. >"I'm sure you will do fine," Troi said. "Worf doesn't bite ZELDA: [as Troi] ...much... >and I think the Captain likes you." LINK: Um... SONIC: Don't go there, bud. You might get the same treatment I got! >"That's not what I'm worried about," Marrissa said. >"What then?" >"I'm not good at oral presentations. I clam up. MEGAMAN: One of the few times you'll see Marrissa speechless. >I can never answer questions no matter how well I prepare. I usually get C's." >"A C is not bad." >"It is when you are an A-B student. May be you should talk to my Dad." >"Perhaps I will," Troi said. "Meanwhile you might want to think of the command staff's uniforms >as pajamas. ROLL: [as Marrissa] Why, so I'll think they'll fall asleep during my report? That's mean! [pretends to cry] SALLY: [as Troi to herself] Snapped like a twig. My plan is working... >It worked for me." >"They do look like that," Marrissa laughed and Troi joined in. >[Consider removing Replace with scence with the children] PROTOMAN: A seance? What are they going to do, bring back the ghost of Throwaway? >When the whole staff had arrived, the Captain introduced Marrissa and asked her to present her >report. She began nervously but soon gained confidence. LUIGI: This sounds a so familiar... [everyone looks at Anthony] ANTHONY: Hey! Leave me out of this... >First she outlined the circumstances of her encounter. Then she told of her preparations. >Thirdly she gave her analyst of the Trakce. BASS: How did she capture their analyst? I thought he was still on the ship! >Finally she asked for questions. >"Is it possible that the Trakce wanted to help you?" the Doctor asked. TAILS: Whoa! When did this become a Voyager crossover? MEGAMAN: I WAS RIGHT!!! ANTHONY: No, you're not. That's Doctor Crusher that's speaking. >"They could have been a medical team." >"I doubt it doctor," Marrissa replied. "You don't beam down on a mission of mercy after >shooting down an unarmed shuttle which was doing nothing to you." >"I agree," Worf said. PEACH: [as Crusher to Worf] Kiss up... >"The chances of the Trakce shuttle doing having no hostile intentions to you were 5 billion to >1," Data responded. SONIC: Oh, c'mon! You can estimate closer than that, Data! >"You said that you don't believe they allow themselves to be captured," Riker asked. "What >makes you think that?" >"I believe that because every time a Trakce fell unconscience the leader vaporized him," >Marrissa replied. >"Makes sense to me," La Forge responded. ANTHONY: Oh no, LaForge is turning into Glinn Gusat! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! >Soon afterward, the meeting ended. Before Commander Riker could leave, Marrissa called out," >Commander Riker." >"Yes, Marrissa," Riker responded. KNUCKLES: [as Riker, under his breath] Great...what does she want now? >"I was wondering if you would be willing to evaluate some Kobayashi Marus tomorrow?" Marrissa >asked. >"Testing yourself for command potential," Riker guessed. MARIO: [as Riker to himself] Why does this bode ill...? >"Yes, some others, and myself" Marrissa replied. >"You can't start with a harder test," Riker said. "I would be glad to, but I can only do one a >week." LUIGI: [as Riker] That's all I can take of whiny kids wanting to be officers. ROLL: [as Marrissa] I see, well then...HEY!!! >"That's fine with me," Marrissa said. >[Question: Do I need this if I split out the story?] PROTOMAN: Better question: Do we even need the story? OTHERS: NO! PROTOMAN: That's what I thought... >Later in Holodeck 2, Marrissa was in command of the Enterprise-D doing the Kobayashi Maru. >"CONN hard to starboard, Alex fire phasers and photon torpedoes," Marrissa ordered. >"Firing phasers, ZELDA: [as Marrissa] Hey! I said fire the photon torpedoes too! >the warbird's shields are down to 95 %," Alexander said. >"Jay find that shield frequency," Marrissa said as a round hit her ship."Shields at 75 %," >Alexander said. ANTHONY: [as Alexander] ...and no powerups in site! BASS: Get your mind off video games, Anthony! >"CONN evasive pattern Zeta Four," Marrissa ordered. "Increase speed to full impulse. Head away >from them." SALLY: [as Clara] Well, DUH! What did you think I was doing?!? >Marrissa was enjoying the simulation immensely. The Romulans were providing her with a fresh >challenge for her active mind. SONIC: Active mind? AMY: [retriving hammer from Sally] Sonic...don't! SONIC: [innocently] What? AMY: Just...DON'T! >The Warbird followed the retreating Galaxy Class vessel closely. "Stupid move," Marrissa >muttered. "Alex the locks on the forward phasers and photon torpedoes directly ahead. Fire rear >phasers and photon torpedoes. CONN on my mark take us down 80 meters and bring us to full stop." KNUCKLES: Oh brother...Ratliff stole that from Top Gun! MEGAMAN: Considering how old Tom Cruise looked then, it ALMOST makes sense... >The Enterprise spat out torpedoes blinding the Romulan warbird and draining it's shields. "Now >CONN," Marrissa ordered. The Romulan warbird shot over the Enterprise and in front of the ship. >"Fire at will, Alex." TAILS: [as Alexander] But, Will Riker's not ON that ship, Marrissa! >The Romulan's shields collapsed. "Destroy them, Alex. CONN coarse LUIGI: I didn't a think CONN was being coarse... >180 degrees mark 4 relative heading," Marrissa ordered. "That was too easy." >"Don't say that, Marrissa," Jay responded. "Its bad luck." MARIO: GOOD! She needs to be a jinxed! >"Three warbirds decloaking," Alexander announced. >"Noted," Marrissa replied. "Course one eighty mark forty, half impluse." NICOLE: That's all of it. ANTHONY: We are OUT OF HERE! [all walk out] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Outside the theater. Anthony addresses the entire group.] ANTHONY: So...what'd you all think of MiSTing? LINK: That was fun! ANTHONY: Feel any better from reading those awful fics starring you guys? TAILS: Definitely! MEGAMAN: We should do that more often. ANTHONY: Well, just look for me and I'll hunt down another fic for you guys. By the way...I'm surprised you haven't found the REALLY awful fics out there... KNUCKLES: [worried] Like... ANTHONY: Well, there was this one Tails and Amy lemon... TAILS and AMY: [turn majorly green and runs towards the nearest bathrooms] LUIGI: Whoo boy, better getta the plungers bro... MARIO: This is a going to be messy... ANTHONY: [turns towards the theater] Thanks Nicole, you can disconnect all the MiSTing apparatus. NICOLE: Should I hit the lights too? ANTHONY: [grins slightly] Yeah...push the button, Nicole. *FWOOOOSH*