From: Roger M. Wilcox Subject: Thank You For the Music, Kids Crew style Date: Tuesday, June 29, 1999 12:09 AM Well ... the muses have struck. God help us all. Note to ASC and RATMM readers: The following will not make much sense to you unless you are familiar with the ABBA song "Thank You For The Music". Note to alt.music.abba readers: The following will make absolutely NO sense to you unless you have endured the horror that is Stephen B. Ratliff's Marrissa Stories. (Note to ASC readers: I didn't really just say that about Stephen. I really really like the Marrissa Storys [sic]. I have erected a shrine to Marrissa over my fireplace mantle. Now put your plastic phasers away before somebody gets hurt.) ----------BEGIN--------------CUT HERE----------------CUT HERE---- [ THE SCENE: A 24th-century ABBA concert. The hall is packed to the rafters with screaming Swedish youth wearing Starfleet Cadet uniforms. ] [ The curtain rises, and the crowd goes wild. On stage are the four singers of ABBA. Or at least, some youngsters wearing starfleet uniforms *pretending* to be ABBA. ] [ In the role of ABBA's men stand Jay Gordon and Patterson Supra. Patterson is wearing a cheap fake beard. But the crowd doesn't care that it's fake. These guys are their *idols*, for crying out loud. ] [ In the role of Anna-Frid stands Clara Sutter. ] [ And taking center stage, in the role of Agnetha, is a teen-age blonde girl wearing an Admiral's uniform and a tiara, and carrying a microphone that looks suspiciously like a scepter. The spotlight singles out this young blonde superstar and a hush falls over the audience as the band begins softly, gently, to play the opening few chords of "Thank You For the Music": ] MARRISSA: I'm nothing special, my titles are a bit of a bore. If I give an order, you've probably heard it before. But I have a talent, as far as it goes To make people yearn for a spike up their nose -- I'm so righteously proud, [flexes her bicep] All I want is to hear your praise loud. ALL: SO ... I ... SAY ... Thank you for the fanfics! The Trakce losers! Thanks for all the Romulan bruisers. Who could live without 'em? I ask in all honesty What would life be Without a foe to attack, what are we? So I say thank you for the fanfics, MARRISSA: For giving Enterprise to me. I've beaten Kob'yashi Maru before I could walk, (mm hmm) I learned all the major fleet tactics before I could talk, And I've often wondered, how did it all start? Who skewered Mom and Pa Flores through the heart So that I could command? Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan! ALL: SO I SAY Thank you for the fanfics! The Naklab stupid! Thanks for how we out-dumbed "Q-Pid", Who could live without 'em? I ask in all honesty What would life be Without adults to look bad, what are we? So I say thank you for the fanfics, MARRISSA: For giving the crown to me. [ At this point, the band goes off-script and starts playing an instrumental solo. Marrissa starts speaking smug quips at the audience like a Vegas Lounge Lizard: ] MARRISSA: Helmsman, set coarse! 'Cause I like it rrrrrrrough! ... Hey, you there! You look like you're over fifteen! Try a little Ratliff Gas! ... [ Back into the song, the chorus comes in with another refrain: ] ALL: Thank you for the fanfics! The freakish Preakness! Thanks for all the other horses' weakness. Who could live without 'em? I ask in all honesty What would life be Without the Pope popping up, what are we? So I say thank you for the fanfics, MARRISSA: For giving the Federation to me. I've been so lucky. I am the girl with golden hair. [sticks her tongue out quickly] I wanna hear my subjects bray before me, What a power! What a life! What a chaaaaaaaance! ALL: Thank you for the fanfics! My Admiral's rank pips! Thanks for giving me all your starships. Who could live without 'em? I ask in all honesty What would life be Without my godhood in hand, what are we? So I say thank you for the fanfics, MARRISSA: For giving the galaxy to me. ALL: So I say thank you for the fanfics, MARRISSA: For giving it ALL to me! [ The cheers of the audience give way to a rhythmic chant that sounds like something Andrew Lloyd Weber wrote: ] AUDIENCE: Marriiiissa! Marriiiissa! Marriiiissa! -- rogermw@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) -- also known as "Tracer" Unlawful to use this e-mail address for commercial solicitation: 47 USC 227 MSTie # 38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in EXTRA bold! I'm sodium! <*> | "The Truth, as always, is more complicated than that"