WINNER of three Golden Hamdingers (Best MiSTing, Best
Riffing, Best Host Segments) and three Balsa Waffles (Worst Fanfic,
Contrivance, Worst Characterization of an Established Character),
fanfic that started it all. The Enterprise must travel back in time to
rescue the Enterprise-C, despite the obvious damage to the space-time
continuum. Wesley Crusher invents a cloaking device that only covers
the engineering section, so control of the rest of the ship is handed
to Marrissa and her Kids' Crew. Add in a plot about Gul Dukat invading
Earth in a single ship, and hilarity ensues. MiSTed in two parts by David
Z. C. Hines.
WINNER of one Balsa Waffle (Worst Scientific Explanation or
Technobabble), pre-1995 category
Dukat tries to get revenge for his defeat at the hands of Marrissa
by attacking Bajor. Meanwhile, through a cruel plot twist, both of
parents die in battle, and she is adopted by a thoroughly dismayed
Picard. MiSTed by David Z. C. Hines.
also a MiSTing of Ratliff's retitled and updated version, by Anthony
WINNER of one Balsa Waffle (Worst Technobabble), 1995-96
and newly adopted Marrissa are sentenced to oversee a training voyage
full of annoying cadets. However, Marrissa proves more skilled, more
disciplined, and more annoying than any of them, so when Romulans
decide to invade, she is put in charge of Earth's defense. Finally,
young Marrissa is promoted to full ensign, thus beginning her
bloodthirsty quest for galactic domination. MiSTed by Steve Brinich, Petrea Mitchell,
Andrija Popovic, Mark Sachs, and TV's
demigod Q transports all of the Enterprise crew members to
a medieval battle, leaving Marrissa and her Kids' Crew to negotiate a
treaty between Bosnians with cheesy scrambled names (i.e., "Sobnia" or
Includes a Romulan body count so high, even Governor Schwarzenegger
MiSTed by Chris Mayfield.
WINNER of one Balsa Waffle (Worst New Character), 1995-96
fifth Marrissa saga was just too big to fit into one story, so this
one's divided into three parts. In part 1, young Marrissa's field trip
shuttle is attacked and crashes on an uninhabited world. Using nothing
but the amazing amount of supplies found in the shuttle and her own
power to boss the other children around, Marrissa fights off supposedly
tough space pirates in a wacky Home Alone fashion. All 3 parts
MiSTed by Mike Barklage , Petrea Mitchell,
and Todd Gilbert.
is also a MiSTing of Ratliff's revised version, by Matthew Blackwell, Dean
Neylon, Tom Salyers, and Michael Wallen. WARNING:
Revised fanfic contains an Evil darker and greater than anything H.P.
Lovecraft ever conceived: the Kids' Crew sings Disney tunes.
The Field Trip 2001 version
it's back. Again. Never one to leave well enough alone, we once again
return to the story of Marrissa's first adventure with her future Kid's
Crew companions. And this time a cast of video game characters get to
riff it! MiSTed by Anthony Bault, but removed as per his
and listed here mostly for historical purposes..
Enterprise crewmen are once again rendered completely ineffective
as 13-year-old Marrissa leads an away mission behind enemy lines and
a hostage situation with random, uncontrolled violence.
is hit on by Starfleet perverts, then kidnapped by vengeful aliens from
part 1. The usual wacky madcap mayhem ensues. Includes the exciting
"who commands what ship where" speech, over and over and over again
Trek meets King Ralph. An entire royal family of Essex
explodes, except for one person, and the Enterprise is called in to
investigate. Meanwhile, Picard and Beverly get married, and Marrissa
runs several pointless simulations to "train" the rest of the crew, in
case the ship is ever invaded by hostile practical jokers. MiSTed by Suzanne
long unfinished MiSTing was finally completed some three years
after part 1. In the conclusion, Marrissa apprehends the Romulan and
co-conspirators, who were plotting to kill the entire royal family for
damn reason that is never fully explained. Then the Pope shows up in
souped-up 24th century Popemobile to vaporize the bad guys into space
Finally, "A Royal Mess" ends as all good Star Trek stories end
with a lengthy coronation, a fancy dress party in a shuttlecraft bay,
25 billion promotions. MiSted by Dave Hines, Mighty
Blackwell, Joseph Nebus,
and Tom Salyers.
WINNER of four Golden Hamdingers (Best MiSTing, Best
Riffing, Best Host Segments, Best Non-Standard MST3K Character in an
MST3K Setting) and three Balsa Waffles (Worst Fanfic, Worst Plot
Contrivance, Worst Characterization of an Established Character),
#7 is unlucky for all involved as Ratliff spins his worst yarn of all
time. Marrissa, now 15 years old and Second Officer, is on traffic duty
when she encounters some anti-Starfleet terrorists on their way to the
past to prevent Starfleet from existing. Marrissa follows them back to
1996, where she gets Bill Clinton's help to capture the baddies.
Includes a romance between Wesley Crusher and Chelsea Clinton, the
revelation that Star Trek is a 100% accurate depiction of our
future, and a showcase of Ratliff's extremely poor grasp of U.S.
politics and world affairs. MiSTed by Mike Barklage , Petrea Mitchell,
and Jess Nevins.
MiSTing of Ratliff's updated "Time Speeder." Marrissa heads back in
time to stop an evil plan from destroying Starfleet before it gets
started. In the meantime, someone is knocking off the Royal Family of
Britain. Oh, and Chelsea Clinton is an intern. Mango version by: Doug
Atkinson , Matt
Blackwell, Kevin Gowen, Raf Kaplan, Bill Livingston, Mighty
Jack, John C. Mozena, Rottweiller, Tom
Salyers, and WereTorgo
MiSTing of Ratliff's updated "Time Speeder." Marrissa heads back
in time to stop an evil plan from destroying Starfleet before it gets
started. In the meantime, someone is knocking off the Royal Family of
Britain. Oh, and Chelsea Clinton is an intern. Hmm. That plot sounds
kinda familiar... Papaya version by Matt Blackwell, Bart
Fargo, Amanda Flowers, Sarah
Heiner, Karen Kallestad, Jeffrey Ray Roberts ,
and TV's Francis.
southern background shines through in this story, as half the former
Kids' Crew gets married to the other half - Marrissa to Jay, Clara to
Alexander - despite the fact that none of them are old enough to buy
alcohol. Meanwhile, evil but stupid Romulans decide to crash Marrissa's
wedding. As usual, Marrissa then commands a vastly superior fleet to
brutally slaughter every last Romulan ship. Marrissa's virginity
becomes a major plot element. MiSTed by Adam
9th Marrissa story is kinda strange for Ratliff. There are no evil
aliens, Marrissa doesn't have any violent psychotic episodes, and the
spelling is generally decent. As you might expect, this means the
story is about 1/3 as long as usual. C&tD tells the story of how
Marrissa gets Picard and Crusher together, happily married, and
spitting out kids like no tomorrow. Also, Ratliff apparently thought
the phrase "the Captain and the Doctor" was so cute that he decided to
insert it in the story about 1000 times. MiSTed by Jamie Plummer.
10th chronicles the so-called "War of Romulan Dissolution." First,
Riker blows up his second consecutive Enterprise, apparently just to
allow Marrissa's new ship to take on the name. Then Captain Marrissa
rushes to Riker's rescue, pausing only long enough to destroy her usual
quota of Romulan ships commanded by idiots. There is one part towards
end that pretty much sums up this fanfic: Marrissa, who is five months
pregnant and has just blown up half the Romulan fleet, is promoted to
Admiral. Not only is her bloodthirsty quest of galactic domination
nearly completed, but she is also about to spawn. God help us all.
MiSTed by Jamie Plummer.
WINNER of one Golden Hamdinger (Best Host Segments) and one
Balsa Waffle (Worst Plot Contrivance), 1997 category
rebels Ro and Eddington attempt to capture a Starfleet ship
by filling it with "Ratliff Gas," which only affects adults. The Kids'
is, of course, called on to defend against the Maquis, which they do
the typical precision of a crack team of 10-year-old SWAT members. Ro
captured and put on trial, and Marrissa is selected as her defense
attorney. What follows is perhaps the most nonsensical trial since OJ
put on his Bruno Maglis. MSTed by Loren Haarsma, Jarek
Myszewski, and David Conner.
if you want a really busy and confusing MiSTing of the same story, try
Version, in which over a dozen MiSTers tear into Ratliff, and every
single riff is included. The group version includes riffs from: Mighty
Jack, David Conner, Psykopath, The Thad
Man,Matthew Miller, Stan Foster, Mark Rowan,
Merritt Stone, Bill Livingston, Joseph Nebus,
Svensson, Ty Cage Warren, Rick MacKinnon,
and Andrija Popovic.)
Command is blown up by Romulans, killing every admiral in the fleet,
including Riker (yay!). Picard escapes the slaughter, but is put into a
coma after a lot of people step on his face. Since the command
structure is completely destroyed and Earth's doom is obviously at
hand, a pregnant 24-year-old named Marrissa is put in charge of the
whole shebang. Oh, and did I mention that Lwaxanna Troi is the
President of the Federation? That would all make for an inspired Trek
spoof if it weren't for the fact that this is just Ratliff's 12th
literary travesty. The MiSTing is preceded by a Ratliff short, "Dear
Isabella," in which Clara talks to the voices in her head. MiSTed by Jarek
Myszewski,"Merritt Stone", "Badger", and Kevin
of one Balsa Waffle (Worst Scientific Explanation or Technobabble),
disjointed series of vignettes in the life of Marrissa and Co.
Cardassia and The Dominion join forces and invade the Federation, but
for some reason these events take a back seat to Chelsea Clinton's
visit to Garak's tailor shop. There's also a confusing Klingon bar
fight and Budweiser product placement, and Marrissa goes
skinny-dipping. MiSTed by Dave Hines.
WINNER of one Golden Hamdinger (Best Characterization of
Standard MST3K Characters), 1998 category
before "Cadet Cruise," 12-year-old Marrissa and Captain Picard vacation
in Picard's hometown in France. There, Marrissa meets a town in much
need of therapy, goes tee-shirt shopping, gets over her dead parents,
goes skinny-dipping (again), wins the Belmont Stakes, and receives
advice from the Pope himself and his sidekick, Father Frances/Francis,
the first hermaphrodite ordained by the Catholic Church. MiSTed by Mighty
a Very Marrissa Christmas as Ratliff once again returns to France for
more familial soap opera. The entire story consists of small talk,
wine, and a dull Catholic mass - in other words, it's much like
Christmas with my family, and about as exciting. Meanwhile, a
minor character makes amends with her estranged father - or doesn't,
since the story ends rather abruptly at this point. MiSTed by Matthew Blackwell.
his author's notes, Ratliff promises to depict a more fallible Marrissa
in this story. Instead, he gives us Henry Jellico, a spineless,
incompetent boob who obviously must be evil because he hates
Marrissa. Jellico orders a dangerous training mission resulting in
several off screen deaths, and Marrissa arrests him, maintaining her
record of absolute perfection. In the end, even Jellico decides that,
gosh, maybe she isn't so bad after all. Meanwhile, 14-year-old JAG
officer/toady Jay Gordon displays amazing powers of mesmerism, and the
whole thing ends at
a horse race for no damn reason. MiSTed by Bill Livingston, Matt Blackwell,
and Kevin Gowen. Another version, by Bryan
Jacobs, may be found here.
of two Golden Hamdingers (Best Group MiSTing, Best Riff), 1998
incinerates an entire solar system (it was only a matter of time,
really), then takes command of the Seventh Fleet in its battle against
the Jem'Hadar. Picard and Clara pontificate, and RATMMer Tom "Foxtrot" Cox
babysits little Jackie and Rene. Special cameo appearance by Marrissa's
pink panties. MiSTed by WereTorgo, Karen Kallestad, Tom
Francis, Brian Dubic, Satya, Jim Whaley,
and Glazed McGuffin Man (whew!).
extremely pregnant (and occasionally barefoot) Marrissa heads off
to the Klingon Homeworld in an attempt to drag the Klingons into a war
with the Romulans. Meanwhile, the Sulu family goes on fleet
manuevers while a hacker is loose on the Enterprise. Featuring guest
appearances by practically everyone ever to appear on Star Trek, as
well as most of
the characters from the Wheel of Time series! Oh, and Jen, Odie and
make guest appearances too. Misted by Bryan Lambert.
Marrissa gets turned into the Borg Queen (see Hail to the Queen
for the full story), the rest of the crew decides that the Big M needs
rest. And it's not a mutiny! Really! After that, Marrissa and Jay
the rest of the story examining their navels and making whoopie. Part
the Sailor Moon 2400 cast makes an inexplicable appearance too. Misted
by Pete Milan and Matt Rossi. A group version,
covering the same ground, was misted by Brendan Herlihy,
Kevin Gowen, David Thurston and Pete
Milan may be found here.
- 20) Royal and Prime
and the Enterprise Crew travel to a primitive
panel to investigate a former Starfleet office who seems to have
set himself up as king. You know, Star Trek plot #8. Along the
Marrissa begins to wear less and less clothing. And more royals get
married. Misted by Bill
Livingston, with assistance from Matt Blackwell, Freezer,
Douglas Gale, Joseph Nebus, Phantom, Michael
Pullman, Chris Ratcliff, and Dalty Smith.
Coming soon! Honest! I really mean it!
Marrissa Twofer - NEW!
Two mini-fics in this misting. The first one, "Duty,
Loyalty, Trust, Honor" is Marrissa in Marrissa's own words. No
plot, mind you, just Marrissa's inner dialog. Part 2 is "But for
a Y, Go I", in which the Big M finds true love at last. Both are
by Bill Livingston.