The Stephen Ratliff Misting Archive



New Stuff







Your humble archivist has written a few mistings as well, and they are collected here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
Note: Due to archive problems, some files are currently inaccessible. Please e-mail at to request a file or to report a dead link.




Battle Arena Toshinden, by author unknown
Take a bunch of martial artists and give them a flimsy excuse to fight each other. Now, forget about that flimsy excuse. That's a good description of this story, except it's not quite as polished.

Star Trek and Babylon 5 are DEAD! Long Live STARSHIP TROOPERS and the (real) Federation's Mobile Infantry! by MKSheppard
A rant about how "Starship Troopers" is the defining movie of the 1990s. Yep, it's even better that Carrottop's "Chairman of the Board."

Ratliff-A-Go-Go by Stephen Ratliff
Three short stories by Mr. Ratliff. The Kids' Crew write diary entries. Then Marrissa pretends she's Sailor Moon. And finally, Kirk, Spock and some Klingons burst into a number from South Pacific. Misted  by myself, and  Bill Livingston, with help from Tom Currie.

A Little Challenge, by Stephen Ratliff and others
One day over on alt.startrek.creative, Mr. Ratliff issued a challenge to the  other authors to create a story where the characters in their stories get revenge on them. The results were then riffed in this collection of  mistings., including two by Mr. Ratliff.  Winner of the 1998 ASC Best Misting Award. Misted by Matt Blackwell, Doug Atkinson, and Andrew Perron.

Marrissa's Revenge II, by Stephen Ratliff
Marrissa shows up at Stephen's house to provide him with some editing assistance. Then after that, she'll head off to Starbucks to pick up some latte for Riker. With Doug Atkinson.

Hail to the Queen 
WINNER of two Iridium Ram-Chips (Best of the Worst Fanfic, Best of the Worst Plot), 1998 category 
Another Marrissa story by a Ratliff groupie, Rob Tounts. This one pits the Kids Crew against Marrissa, who has been assimilated by the Borg and, predictably, has become their new Queen. MiSTed with Doug Atkinson, Michael K. Neylon, Bill Livingston, Steven Savage.

Spice Up Your Life, by Cassie Consten
Mulder and Scully head off to England to investigate rumors that the Spice Girls have been infected by aliens.  Alas, they never do discover who exactly abducted the Spice Girl's popularity.

Home for Christmas 
It's a Very Marrissa Christmas as Ratliff once again returns to France for more familial soap opera. The entire story consists of small talk, wine, and a dull Catholic mass - in other words, it's much like Christmas with most real families, and about as exciting. Meanwhile, a minor character makes amends with her estranged father - or doesn't, since the story ends rather abruptly at this point.

Star Trek: The Next Generation/X-Men: Second Contact by Dan Abnett & Ian Edginton
It's a crossover! Kang the Conqueror  tricks the X-Men and the crew of the USS Enterprise into messing up the timeline, and only Wesley Crusher can stop him! Yep.  With Bill Livingston , Peter MilanMichael K. Neylon and Eric J. Schepers .

A comment from apparently the most 'annoying' man on the BBS
It's a rant about, well, no one's really sure what it's about, but the author sure is annoyed about it.

Trials and Tubbylations, by various authors
The teletubbies hook up with the cast of Voyager and the X-Files for this fun filled crossover. Okay, Janeway gets murdered in one story, so its not entirely fun filled, but still...  With Doug Atkinson, and Andrew Perron.

The Field Trip , by Stephen Ratliff
The Kid's Crew to Be goes on a field trip, only to have their shuttlecraft shot down by an evil alien race. The rest of the story is just like "Home Alone" but with six times the number of children. By Matthew BlackwellDean Carrano, Bill Livingston, Michael Neylon, Tom Salyers, and Michael Wallen. WARNING: This  fanfic contains an Evil darker and greater than anything H.P. Lovecraft ever conceived: the Kids' Crew sings Disney tunes.

The Beast with the Nine Bands, by James A. Wolf
The Hulk runs into a giant armadillo in the Texas panhandle. And the 'in-joke-o-meter' flies off the charts. With  Jacob Churosh,  and Rottweiller.

is santa clause dead?, by "Shadow Walker"
A christmas tale where the author describes how Santa can't possibly be real. This and more, in this week's "Tales of the Blindingly Obvious"!

First Date/ Marriage of the Millennium, by Gold Astro Ranger
In these Power Rangers stories, the Crowmeowme Brothers go on a date and then save the world from certain doom. But the dating's the really important part. With Michael Neylon.

Faans Issue #1, by T. Campbell
Trouble is afoot when a super villain decides to use sci-fi fans in an attempt to take over the world. It's a plan worthy of Paste Pot Pete.

Athena Prospects: Mango and Papaya Version, by Stephen Ratliff
In a story too big for one group alone to riff, Marrissa heads back in time to stop an evil plan from destroying Starfleet before it gets started. In the meantime, someone is knocking off the Royal Family of Britain. Oh, and Chelsea Clinton is an intern. Mango version by:  Doug Atkinson , Matt Blackwell, Kevin Gowen, Raf Kaplan, Bill Livingston, Mighty Jack, John C. Mozena, Rottweiller, Tom Salyers, and WereTorgo. Papaya version by Matt Blackwell, Bart Fargo, Amanda Flowers, Sarah Heiner, Karen Kallestad, Jeffrey Ray Roberts , and TV's Francis.

A Legion-Size Meeting, by Doc Thinker
Supergirl heads off into the future to link up with the Legion of Superheroes to stop Lex Luthor's sister from doing... well, something. I'm still not quite sure what she's trying to do, but heck, exactly how much Supergirl fanfic do you see these days anyway? And it's written in one of those languages that twins use.  Could you ask for more in a fanfic?

[©¿©] What If The Average Person Knew This?
Currency speculation sweeps the nation! At least that's what the people behind this e-mail want you to believe.

Everyone's favorite electric rodent, aside from Milliamp Mouse, is revealed to actually be propagana advocating the return of feudalism to the world.

The Misery Senshi Neo-Zero Double Blitzkreig Debacle by Peter Guerin
The Technothriller genre has many heroes. Jack Ryan. Dirk Pitt. John Clark. And of course, Sailor Moon and MTV's Daria (no relation to TV's Frank).  Yes, join Daria and the Sailor Scouts as they fight Japanese Imperialists, right wing militiamen, Arabic terrorists and Bevis and Butthead. Oh, and there's a death plane involved too. It's a novel length misting with Tyler Dion, Douglas Gale, Brendan Herhilhy, Bill Livingston, Eric Schepers Harold Tessmann III, Rebo Valence, and Valeria.

Star Wars:  Fall of the Republic-
The Ratliff Archive is so far ahead of the curve that we are proud to present a misting of the script to Star Wars: Episode III! And although this script seems to have been written in 1983, I'm sure it's completely authentic. Misted with Douglas Gale, Brendan  Herlihy, Keith Palmer, and Eric Schepers .

The Return of the Lawndale Militia- by Peter Guerin- 
Well, if you thought that Daria dealt with all of the evil members of the Lawndale Militia back in "Mandark Salamander"  you'd be mistaken. They're back, and they've got the yakuza to help them! Thankfully, Daria has the casts of two anime series that you've probably never heard of to help out. Oh, and there's a ghost involved too. It's a gigantic misting by  Alex Gariepy, Bill Livingston, Brendan Herlihy, Antaeus Feldspar, Matt Blackwell, Rebo Valance and Abigail Springman.

Election 2000 Wrapup
Did you think the election was over? Well, it is. But here's a misting making fun of it anyway.

No Threat
California faces a massive power crisis! And the rest of the nation laughs!  And riffs!
Before the Dawn
Marrissa's back! And she's annoyed at Deep Space Nine! This non-Ratliff Marrissa story features fights! Thrills! Spills! And Odo standig around pontificating! Misted by Matt Blackwell, Alex Gariepy, Juliet Youngren, Brian Dubick, Eric Sheppers and Douglas Gale.
The Triumph of the Retart - By Peter Guerin
Daria delves into the cut throat world of high school politics in this latest peice from Peter Guerin. No militias this time, just hitmen, restraining orders and visits from talented musicians. Ahem. Misted by Alex Gariepy, Bill Livingston, Cory McCasland, Keith Palmer, D. Reed, Rebo Valance, and Matt Blackwell . BTW- this one's for adult's only, folks, due to mature situations. 'kay?
Spider-Man: The Movie! - By "James Cameron"
Peter Parker gains spider powers and fights some guy you've never heard of and never well again! And it's alledgedly the script that James Cameron was going to shoot when he was supposed to direct the film. Yep. Uh-huh. Misted with Bill Livingston, Daniel Haun, Brendan Herlihy, Eric Scheppers, and Natalie Welch.
Broken Bow- By Rick Berman and Brannon Braga
Okay, there's this ship, and it's assigned to go out and explore the depths of space. And along the way, it encounters a bunch of exotic aliens too. And the ship's called Enterprise and... oh. You've heard this before? Misted by Matt Blackwell, D Gale, Alex Gariepy and Karen Kallstead

Daria's Slapshot- By Peter Guerin
Coming Soon! Really!

Contributing Efforts
Although I can't take credit for their excellence, I did assist in writing the following mistings:

The Walls of Jellico by Stephen Ratliff
In his author's notes, Ratliff promises to depict a more fallible Marrissa in this story. Instead, he gives us Henry Jellico, a spineless, incompetent boob who obviously must be evil because he hates Marrissa. Jellico orders a dangerous training mission resulting in several off screen deaths, and Marrissa arrests him, maintaining her record of absolute perfection. In the end, even Jellico decides that, gosh, maybe she isn't so bad after all. Meanwhile, 14-year-old JAG officer/toady Jay Gordon displays amazing powers of mesmerism, and the whole thing ends at a horse race for no damn reason. MiSTed by Bill Livingston, Matt Blackwell, and Kevin Gowen.

Legend of the Red Eye Pentology, by Turtle Ninja
So, what have those pesky Ninja Turtles been up to in the past few years? Well, aside from hanging with Vanilla Ice, they seem to have been joined by a female ninja turle, who apparently is actually an alien from another planet. Also, she has an evil twin sister who's threatening to take over the world by using the powers of the evil red eye. Then they, along with arch-enemy Shredder, head off to Turtle Ninja's homeworld to fight the evil there. Oh, and the Ninja Turtles all hook up with female turtle babes while they're on the alien world too. It's ninja-tastic fun from Amanda Flowers and Matt Blackwell.
(Note: This copy seems to be missing a few paragraphs. I'll try and find a better copy ASAP.)

Stolen Memories , by Mission Ops Productions
One of the most infamous mistings to ever hit the internet, this misting deals with a pre-DS9  Julian Bashir heading off to an alien planet, where he is promptly kidnapped and subjected to acts that aren't often discussed on DS9, but can be seen frequently on Oz. Be warned, this is for adult audiences only. Misted by Michael  "Rotweiller" Wallen, Joe BlevinsJohn Berry, Matt Blackwell, Antaeus  Feldspar, Bill Livingston, Matthew Miller, John W. Nowak, Amanda Ohlin, and Melvin Pollack.

A Royal Mess, part 2  by Stephen Ratliff
This long unfinished MiSTing was finally completed some three years after part 1. In the conclusion, Marrissa apprehends the Romulan and Tracke co-conspirators, who were plotting to kill the entire royal family for some damn reason that is never fully explained. Then the Pope shows up in his souped-up 24th century Popemobile to vaporize the bad guys into space dust. Finally, "A Royal Mess" ends as all good Star Trek stories end -- with a lengthy coronation, a fancy dress party in a shuttlecraft bay, and 25 billion promotions. MiSted by Dave Hines, Mighty Jack, Matthew Blackwell, Joseph Nebus, and Tom Salyers

Disguised Love, by Jesse Berden
Stephen Ratliff hijacks a bus full of misties and forces them to read a Sailor Moon story which involves ice skating.. You know, sometimes the misting plot reads better than the actual story does... Misted by Richard Yocum and Matt Blackwell.

Hostage, by Roland Warner
A super terrorist OF THE FUTURE decides to hold the free galaxy hostage with a set of virus bombs. Also, cars are now sold in capsule form and people have Pentiums inside their heads. Misted by Bill Livingston, with very little help from Matt Blackwell.

Out of Time, by David Hines
The sequel to Lines-As-Q. David continues his wacky run across the Marrissa-verse and takes a stop over at Deep Space 9. Familiar characters (very familiar characters) guest star. Misted by Bill Livingston, Matt Blackwell, Douglas Gale and TV's Francis.


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 Updated: April 26, 2005