Libido Mismatch

Many marriages go on the rocks because the husband wants more sex than does the wife. During the Sexual Revolution years, there were as many marriages on the rocks because the wife was the one who wanted more. This is just an educated guess on my part: In this post-Sexual Revolution era, the old one-sidedness is back again.

According to the Reader's Digest of February, '97, many women experience a loss of libido in the months following child birth, for the following reasons. 1)  hormone fluctuations in the woman during the first three months after childbirth -- "the chemical equivalent of a cold shower", to use the words of the article 2) some tearing of the woman's inner tissues during a vaginal delivery and more during a Caesarian delivery 3) the woman's desire for physical contact being exhausted from breast feeding

In the following years there is a lingering factor: stress from lots of chores during the day, plus sleep deprivation due to the baby crying and needing attention during the night

In many marriages, men don't really participate in the housework and child care, even though they give lip service to the idea that they should. Women can put family needs ahead of their own, but that leads to their withdrawing from their husbands.

One thing that the woman can do to restore sexual responsiveness is exercises to strengthen the pelvic muscles. One thing the man can do is to practice what he preaches in terms of doing an equal share of child care and housework and giving the woman some time to be by herself -- as he has his time to read the paper and watch TV. .

There are things that the couple can do together -- mostly in the line of having time to remember what made them fall in love with each other and forgetting the house/child concerns for the time being.

How do you cope with the dry spells caused by the libido mismatch?

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