Heterosexual men

Which of the following describes your situation?

Some men are frustrated because they can't form a loving rapport, even after the sexual relationship is well-established.

Some who have no trouble picking up a different woman every day of the week still experience the same frustration.

If this is your problem, then in what ways have you attempted to improve your relationship?

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Most men go through temporary dry spells - periods in which they don't get enough sex or don't get it when they want it. Bachelors are sometimes faced with a dull evening. Most wives are sometimes out of sorts with their husbands.

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More permanent dry spells occur, primarily for two reasons: 1) The less-than-ideal relationship can include a libido mismatch. 2) One can be more permanently unable to attract.

Do you use any sex substitute as a stopgap?

If you are staying with a relationship that is less than ideal, then why? In what way is it less than what you want?

Common reasons for staying with a less-than-ideal relationship: 1) needy children, 2) the prospect of costly divorce, 3) being accustomed to each other, and 4) realizing that one's own value on the market is limited, i.e. can't have much luck in finding someone more attractive if you aren't all that attractive yourself.

Reason #3 is very poignantly illustrated in the musical play "My Fair Lady". Henry Higgins takes on the task of teaching a woman manners, just on a dare and a bet; and then a real rapport develops; and hence the feeling that he had "grown accustomed to her face" - i.e. hard to face the prospect of doing without her and letting her move on. In most happy marriages there is a much longer-term friendship plus children in common -- a mighty powerful bond!

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Common ways in which a relationship is less than ideal: 1) libido mismatch and 2) lack of common interests - In a marriage, people sometimes grow away from each other. In marriages it often happens after the children have flown the coop and started families of their own.

Here's an unusual case of #2: Due to my inability to attract and a reality check on my effort to find a woman online, I got discouraged and cruised by the place known for street walkers and took a woman home. She was sexually responsive and never put me down; we stayed together for the better part of a year.

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