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aspects of life
Here is one outline which could help, in bringing to conscious awareness the insights and survival skills that you developed on a subconscious level. If you can think of another approach, please e-mail with your suggestion.
the entertainment-concentration dilemma
Nobody can take stimulus deprivation; in prisons where many people have no scruples and noting to lose, the prospect of solitary confinement is enough to keep the inmates in line.
Frustration and anxiety increase the need for stimuli to take one's mind off one's troubles, yet diminishing the number of things that one can concentrate on. For this reason, almost everybody does some overeating and has some trouble sticking to an exercise program. Almost every area of life depends on, at least sometimes, doing something other than what we feel like doing at the moment -- including some of the above-mentioned -- getting an education, holding a job, daily hygiene, running one's household, and social participation.
If one's attempts at human interaction are unrewarding then that produces frustration, for sure. Keeping oneself entertained, in various ways, can make life more bearable in the face of loneliness. Various non-human objects can help, e.g. computers, TV, pets, food .... and maybe some things I didn't think of? What is your hobby?
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human contact
Keeping oneself entertained can diminish one's need for social contact but never eliminates it entirely. So it's important to make the most out of what little one can get in the way of social contact. In addition to loved ones, we have casual acquaintances whose company helps us feel less alone.
People who hold you in low esteem can put you in difficult situations, either thoughtlessly or deliberately. Therefore, it's also important to tell the difference between respect and contempt.
A bad choice in friends can get a person in trouble, in various ways. Some who were lonely and afraid of displeasing his/her friends have been induced to commit crimes or take drugs, even without any overwhelming need to escape reality.
Did it do you any good to look for different social settings? Cyberspace is one social setting where nothing is important except for one's choice of words. Have any of you found a congenial setting in cyberspace and nowhere else?
Did social graces help you better deal with authority figures, better than using grievance procedures? What about neighbors, colleagues, and others arm's length whom you deal with just because of proximity? Have any of them become friends or lovers? What kind of social graces have you used with them?
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sex, romance, and relationships
Men are very sensitive to sexual rejection, they say. If you're a young man, then how do you cope with the overpowering physical drive? If you have or have had a relationship, then did it help you face the rest of the world with better self-assurance?
There is an ADULT_ISSUES discussion group about sexuality, romance and relationships; but that one includes "normal" people who have no trouble attracting and have other problems. Some men who are unable to attract have been flamed over there and have ended up feeling even more worthless. Therefore, any discussion of sexual rejection is welcome on the "rejection and community hostility" discussion group.
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Parents and immediate family
One thing you want is for your parents to stay interested in your well-being, even to the point of self-sacrifice at times. Did you, at times, have to say or do something just so they would understand you instead of sending you away to rot? How did your "normal" siblings feel about your getting the lion's share of your parents' attention?
The way the rest of the world treats you will be influenced by how your parental relationship is perceived by others; if your parents are perceived as being infinitely perseverant while you were infinitely irresponsible, then you will never get the esteem of other people. Even a lesser degree of parent admiration can mean that nobody will ever take the child's side in any dispute with his/her parents. Do you feel that your parents take advantage of this fact and feel that you can be ruled with an iron hand? Do you give your parents reason to think that you have to be protected from your own weaknesses or from your own irresponsibility?
If you are an adult being subsidized by your parents, do you conceal that fact from other people? A few newspaper articles have said that the adult so subsidized will keep his mouth shut about it if he knows what's good for him/her.
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schooling an other educational experiences
If you hated school, then what could have been done to make you like it better? One who is struggling to cope with powerlessness and rejection couldn't care less about King Arthur's Round Table! How did you muster the concentration to keep your grades up?
Athletics requires being in the locker room situation. If you have been verbally taunted by other students, then did you fear the added vulnerability that comes with being disrobed in the presence of others?
Have you had educational experiences other than formal schooling? How about summer camp?
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diet, exercise, hygiene, and housework
When depressed, do you find it more difficult to stick to a program of sensible eating and exercise? Do you take any kind of vitamin tablets or other supplements purchased in health food stores? Bicycling and elementary mountain climbing are two forms of exercise which I have been able to do even when depressed.
Now there are all kinds of new fitness equipment coming on the market. Are you, maybe, able to stick with an exercise program with the help of this new equipment?
One has to do his/her daily hygiene, do laundry, shop for groceries, ... etc. All of these little jobs, all told, take up a great deal of time. One who is depressed will skimp a bit.
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Employment and other forms of purposeful activity
How have you coped with the slamming doors which come with job hunting? I have heard that even the non-handicapped find that part difficult. It is, for sure, unrelenting assaults on a person's ego. How can anyone take it, unless he has a wife at home who thinks the world of him?
Those with recognized handicaps have recourse to various agencies and can file an ADA suit. But what if you have a *hidden* handicap (abnormal enough for interviewers to notice but not recognized by any agency) ?
In holding a job, there is the need to concentrate on that which is not entertaining -- a real problem for those struggling to cope with rejection. The answer is that the job situation has to perform a function of lightening the rejection burden. On one job, I was the most conscientious worker in the whole goddamn place -- as long as I believed that the mere fact of my holding that job would change the world's attitude toward me. But after some of my colleagues started to make fun of me, that idea was no longer credible; and next thing, I had trouble dragging myself out of bed in the morning. Did your holding a job make any difference in your standing in the community? Did you have trouble keeping your mind on your work? Was the work intrinsically interesting?
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