Why Swing?
Reasons for Swinging
It is generally felt that you can divide swingers
into two catagories; those who participate for recreational and those who participate for
utopian reasons. Recreational swingers see swinging as a social activity much like
bowling, playing tennis and cards. Utopian swingers have a general philosophy of
communitarianism and wish to share not only sex but all other aspects of life with their
fellow participants. At this time there is relatively little scientific data that
indicates what long-term effect swinging actually has on marriages. Nevertheless, there is
a general belief among swingers that swinging has a positive effect upon a marriage. They
believe that sexual fidelity is harmful and breeds jealousy and a feeling of ownership
between a husband and wife. According to them swinging does away with jealousy and helps
each mate see the other as an individual and not as a possession. Another reason for
swinging is boredom with marital sex. Swingers feel that it is impossible for one person
to satisfy another sexually over an extended period of time. Swinging is seen as a method
of adding new excitement to the marriage, perhaps even salvaging it. Most swingers know
couples who have tried to salvage a bad marriage by swinging and they observed that this
generally has not been successful. Most swingers believe that swinging alone cannot save a
bad marriage. They do believe that it can strengthen a good marriage. There may be deeper
psychological reasons for swinging. It is believed that men may need to translate early
sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be fulfilling social-romantic needs. Some
believe that because of the marginality of the new middle class, they seek experiences
with others in order to feel they belong. They participate in swinging to develop social
ties and to satisty the need for sexual fiulfillment that is a result of their restrictive
middle-class backgrounds. Swinging gives them an opportunity to do both without disrupting
their general lifestyle. All reasons, whether social, psychological, or sociological are,
at the present time, only speculation. One could easily conclude that the reasons for
participating in swinging are as varied as swingers themselves.
Jealousy In Swinging
Generally, swingers do not show jealousy on the
surface. Most swingers argue that this is because by going to parties together and leaving
together, they realize their commitment to each other as a couple. Thus, they do not feel
threatened because the other partner has gone into another room to have sexual relations
with another individual. One such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have
experiences with other people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want to be
together" They feel that this gives you a feeling of security that you never had
before because you feel and know that the partner is coming back to you even though they
have had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this builds up
selfconfidence and security. For a couple to engage in swinging, they must throw off the
belief that having sexual relations outside of marriage is improper. They must break the
shackles of the double standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with
other males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the marriage with
another partner previously.
Advantages of Swinging
Sexual variety, sexual fulfillment and the
potential of carrying out of one's fantasies are among the advantages of swinging. Sexual
excitation increases for both partners as a result of the new types of sexual experiences
and there are discussions of actual sexual experiences. Women recieve a great deal of
positive reinforcement. They may begin seeing themselves as more desirable. Women
uniformally report that they have bcen able to shed sexual inhibitions that they were
raised with. According to many swingers, you have more of a feeling of your own
"personhood". You think of yourself as a person and not a thing. Many swingers
say that swinging creates stronger bonds between couples. Married couples find that
swinging increases their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe that
if a married couple can discuss swinging together they can discuss anything. Generally,
swingers believe they experience individual growth and develop an ability to communicate
better with other people. Generally, swingers believe that swinging has a positive effect
on their marriage. About 85 percent of both husbands and wives feel that swinging is not a
threat to marriage or love between spouses. None of them reported that their marriage
became worse since they began swinging and the marjority feel their marriages have
improved. Husbands, in particular, consistently reported a high level of marital happiness
and adjustment. Apparently, swinging has had no negative effect on the sexual lives of the
couples, in fact, swinging couples have sexual intercourse more frequently than the
general population. More than half of the swinging couples have sex together more than
four times a week as compared with only 16 percent of the general population. Many
swingers reported that rather than dampening their ardor for each other, swinging often
caused an arousal of sexual interest for each other. Many of them often engaged in sex
together immeditely after returning home from a sex party. The effects of swinging most
often reported are the following: (1) Couples experienced an increased feeling of warmth,
closeness, and love, often most intense immediately after swinging when the couple got
together and discussed their experiences. This is as if the swinging experience was proof
of their love. (2) Knowledge and confidence regarding sexual technique was more fully
developed. (3) Social life was enriched and active. (4) Couples became more open and
honest with one another in all areas of their relationship. (5) A benefit for some was
that sexual behavior was taken out ot the dark and became a normal activity. Another
effect of swinging is that there is a change in the meaning of sex, that is, of what is
appropriate sexual behavior, in what situation, and with whom. Sexual behavior in swinging
becomes more broadly defined to accommodate a wider range and choice of behavior than in a
typical monogamous relationship. Sex takes on a different meaning for a wife and her
spouse when she engages in oral-genital sex with another swinger in the presence of her
husband. In addition, the idea that sexual exclusivity between marriage partners
symbolizes devotion, trust, security, and love no longer exists and nonexclusivity comes
to symbolize these things. Further, sexual behavior loses its mystery, its secretiveness,
and its aspect of "something done in the dark" and takes on more the character
of normal everyday activity.
Projections
Swinging is an alternative that is emerging within
the traditional structure of marriage in this country. Except for their participation in
comarital sex, most swingers are living in a traditional nuclear family. One advantage for
many people involved in swinging is that, except for sexual behavior, little change is
required in major values related to the traditional family form. Swinging requires
changing basic values related to monogamous sexual behavior or admitting values that are
different, at least from what individuals have paid lip service to in the past. Families
who swing find that, except for sex related areas, it does not require substantial changes
in behavioral and functional roles. There is some evidence, however, that such sexual
activities sometimes require changes in how couples handle jealousy, power, and so forth
in the marriage. Swinging marrieds probably represent the least revolutionary of the
emerging alternative lifestyles examined in this book. Generally, swingers challenge
traditional beliefs only in the area of sexual monogamy. Strong relationships outside the
pair bond are still, for the most part, regarded as threats rather than potentials for
personal growth. Generally, contemporary swingers view sex as a recreation, which is
relatively consistent with a consumer-oriented society, although there is development of
personal growth and change through swinging. Swinging may be a preservative rather than a
catalyst for change in the basic structure of the family in our society. Swinging may be
viewed as a bridge between old and new values for persons who need old values to feel
comfortable in our changing society. Swinging, for the most part, only violates the sexual
exclusivity value and not other basic values revolving around the traditional nuclear
family. Rules on sex, paternity, and social relationships among swingers make it an
adjunct to marriage rather than strictly an alternative. Swinging supports rather than
disrupts monogamous marriage as it currently exists in our society.
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