Michael "Rottweiler" Warren presenteth:

_I Am The Very Model of a Modern Evil Overlord_

Based on _I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General_, from "The Pirates of Penzance" by W.S. Gilbert and Sir
Arthur Sullivan. 

(Scene.-The throne room of a dark castle. There is a gilded throne near the back wall, with a blood red carpet stretching from
the throne to the front of the stage. The walls and floor are the darkest black. As the curtain rises, groups of children are
discovered clustered on either side of the carpet. Each one has a "666" emblazoned on their forehead and wears black satin
robes belted at the waist with a red sash. JAY, CLARA, ALEXANDER and PATTERSON are among the children present.
MARRISSA is seated on the throne.) 

MARRISSA:

I am the very model of a modern Evil Overlord;
If you challenge me, you'll be thrown overboard;
I am the Queen of Essex and Lord Admiral of Starfleet;
When it comes to political power. I just can't be beat.
I was adopted by Captain Picard at the age of twelve,
He never imagined that raising me would be hell-ve,
The terrible things I do really make him cower,
I'm just not happy without absolute power.

ALL:

She's just not happy without absolute power,
She's just not happy without absolute power,
She's just not happy without ab-so-ab-so-lute power.

(MARRISSA stands up and takes a step forward)

MARRISSA:

I can beat the best at anything when I'm still a novice;
My many crimes against reality are positively grievous.
In short, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
I am the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!

ALL:

In short, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
She is the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!

MARRISSA:

Every adult I encounter trembles in my presence,
Like Veruca Salt, I want planets as presents,
I think having lots of slaves is really neat,
Clara runs my flagship and Jay rubs my feet.
I'll always be evil, unlike that wimp Darth Vader,
I'm so horrible, I hired Jeffrey Dahmer as a waiter,
Emperor Nero can't be compared to me, no sir,
Hitler's evil is much closer to my caliber!

ALL:

Hitler's evil is much closer to her caliber,
Hitler's evil is much closer to her caliber,
Hitler's evil is much closer to her cal-i-cal-i-ber!

MARRISSA:

I can destroy a thousand Romulan ships in every battle,
And get away with treating all adults like cattle;
In short, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
I am the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!

ALL:

In short, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
She is the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!

MARRISSA:

In fact, when every one of my followers steps like a goose;
When I can crush a rebellion with only strawberry juice,
When I have made every child an Essexian Stormtrooper,
Except Jay, who will operate the Royal pooper-scooper;
When with very little effort I can conquer everything I see,
When there is no empire that can defend itself against my army,
In short when I create the greatest military in recorded history,
You'll say there's never been an Evil Overlord better than me.

ALL:

You'll say there's never been an Evil Overlord better than she;
You'll say there's never been an Evil Overlord better than she;
You'll say there's never been an Evil Overlord better than, better than she!

(JAY walks over to MARRISSA)

MARRISSA:

My one weakness is that I need Jay, I can never let him go,
The two of us are just like the Master and Torgo.
Until then, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
I am the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!

ALL:

Until then, when being written by a man out of his gourd,
She is the very model of a modern Evil Overlord!